Monday, May 15, 2017

The Dangerous Dancers Of Maurice


Yes, folks, we need your help. It seems there is a large criminal gang threatening the UK and most of Continental Europe, if not other places. The gang is led by this man:

He goes by the name of Maurice Dancer, and he and his gang are fairly easy to spot as they all wear variations on the costume seen in the above picture, although sometimes animal disguises are worn.

As you can see.
His second-in-command is a woman named "Mrs. Big" who schedules all of their heists.

Their costumes are designed by a woman known only as "The Milliner".

Their crime? They roam the countryside on warm sunny days.looking for pubs to gather outside. Once there, they proceed to dance to old folk tunes played badly on archaic instruments and bash sticks together, jingle bells and wave white napkins in the air. For some reason, people seem to like this. They then rattle lifeboat-shaped 'charity' collection boxes under people's noses and the foolish Joe Q. Public proceeds to empty his pockets in the mistaken belief he is contributing to charity. However, it is our belief that they are just keeping the dosh for themselves for their own nefarious purposes. 

So what do they want the money for? Well, mainly to buy personalised engraved pewter tankards for beer-drinking, and of course, beer. But, we believe, they also need money to train more of their ilk and therefore spread their gang far and wide. Much like the Hell's Angels, they also have `chapters` all over. Facebook is littered with them.

Their techniques are pretty questionable, they fail to prove that their income is going to charity, and they use animals to intimidate kids and adults alike.

See how they terrify a young boy with their horse, Dobbin.

This is Idris, their pet dragon  He'll bite yer bum.
So what do you need to do? The answer, dear readers, is to be vigilant, Keep an eye out for these crooks and do not let them talk you into parting with your well earned moolah. Instead, put in a call to us and let us handle it. 

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