Such a Drag

Naturally, as we are the world's greatest crimefighting trio, we have various philanthropic interests. All great heroes have their own 'pet' charities - be it animal rescue centers, foundations that grant wishes to dying kids, or international crisis relief organizations. Naturally, we shun the limelight because of our need to retain our status as masters of disguise, so it is not widely known which charities receive our support.

It seems, though, that a rumour has sprung up from God-knows-where that we are benefactors to a charity for sick children. Another equally unfounded rumour has reared its ugly head that we are somewhat strapped for cash and have taken to robbery to fund our lifestyle and all that it entails.

Hence the video of the three men-women-men robbing the jewelry store. As Clark pointed out on Wednesday, we have no need for extra bling-bling, possessing as we do a mighty fine collection of sparklies as it is. If we were strapped for cash we'd SELL that before we'd go on the rob.

All we can think is, these three started these rumours so that when the CCTV footage surfaced, people would put two and two together in order to make five. However, anyone who knows our disguisemastership knows we make WAY more convincing women than the three specimens in the video.

So, while we wait for an apology from SFPD over their mistake, and wait for the robbers/rumour-mongers/badly disguised folks to be hauled in and the book thrown at them, let me offer something in the way of advice.

If you want to impersonate a woman, there are a couple books you could invest in.

An indispensable guide to looking like (a) a cheap tramp; (b) a streetwalker; (c) a ditzy barfly, and many more.

Not a guide per se, but a thumping good read. A thrill ride from start to finish.

And here are a few examples:

Definitely girls, but stylish use of men's gear.

This look is useful when pretending to be a store mannequin.

This look is useful when you're in the desert, and your name is Priscilla.

So, to be clear:

• We are not financially embarrassed;
• We did not steal anything,
• All the charities we support are receiving regular donations from us,
• We are far better at disguising ourselves as women than those 'ladies' in the video, and
• We are not drag queens either, though we do have a few drag friends.

Capice?

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