Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Gone Beautiful

"While we're triple-checking the veracity of the information we've received thus far, all indications point to the three being none other than Stiletto Flats very own resident international crime fighters ... The Unbelievables ..." - Monday's episode

What?? No!!! This boundless and baseless accusation is preposterous and insulting on a number of levels.

1) We're not bad guys. Duh. That's pretty much exactly what we are not and what we are the opposite of.
"Good" = Us

2) Why in the world would we steal jewelry, of all things?
When we already have such sweet bling-age of our own?

3) These are nothing but dudes in wigs!

Let me be clear about something. Do we, The Unbelievables, sometimes dress as women? Of course we do. We're masters of disguise! It's a necessary thing for infiltrating criminal organizations, as well as nice form of relaxation. But when we do it, we take it seriously. We don't just slap on a wig, some sunglasses and some yoga gear and say, "look at us, we're girls!" 
  • In order to sound like women, we modulate our voices to a higher pitch and say lady things like "ooh!" and "ew!" and "squee!" and "spiders are icky" and "somebody help me open this jar" and "my uterus is killing me!"
  • We pick out stylish and feminine clothing to wear.
  • We walk with a swivel to our hips, like ladies do.
The end result?
Boom, bitches.
 Come on. Compare that to these hideous cows...

Get it together, S.F.P.D. I thought you were better than this, but we definitely are.
Go out and get some actual evidence and solve a crime, duh.

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