Friday, September 30, 2016

For the fluffy (and/or scaly, what have you) ones

My pet project is a project for pets.
Namely, animals in shelters becoming my pets.
Basically, I want to adopt all the animals in all of the shelters. All of them!


Or "OAATAIS" for short, although I realize that's hard to pronounce.

Here's what's going to happen:
My team and I will go to all the animal shelters and adopt every dog, cat, fluffy bunny, gerbil, snake and platypus there. Then we would transport them to my giant farm, which will be called "Camp Frolic", here in Nevada where they will be fed good food and allowed to play and romp and whatever they want all day, every day, for the rest of their days, with zero possibility of human beings mistreating them.
I realize this is ambitious in scope, but I have a plan.
  • PHASE ONE: Get money (win lotteries, make friends with old rich people, ask the internet, work, etc.)
  • PHASE TWO: Acquire real estate.
  • PHASE THREE: Build ginormous compound with a dining facility, medical clinic, air conditioned kennels, heated swimming pools and open fields.
  • PHASE FOUR: Go get the animals!
  • PHASE FIVE: Post "KEEP OUT, HUMANS!" signs all over the place.
Seriously, the WORST!
I don't have a timetable; I suspect some of these things are going to be easier to do than others. But watch for a crowdsourcing plea at some point.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

I Like Pipes

That Jeff! You gotta love'em!

Me? I'm the lone dissenter here. (Probably.) I simply don't think I have the wherewithal to put together a cookbook worthy of anyone's time or reading. (But I will tell you this: Jeff's delicious concoctions are first rate, regardless of the fact they're mostly potato dishes.)

My vanity project? Well ... that was my pipe project I put together quite a few years back.

The Department of Transportation was revamping a couple mile stretch of road in a sleepy little Southern California town (San Gabriel to be exact) and they had dug up a hefty bit of old sewage pipe from days gone by. The leaky stuff had worn out its usefulness and it was time to update.

I saw an opportunity. I grabbed my camera and got shooting.

The result? I have hundreds of photographs I plan on publishing in the near future, each one to be lovingly accompanied with captions. (I'd rather not reveal the captions here; I want that to be a surprise once the book is published.)

However, I'm happy to show you my efforts from walking up and down the street, crawling under and over and through metal piping, a little glimpse of what to expect. It's exciting stuff!

If this isn't a vanity project, I don't know what is!

You might wonder: What does this have to do with The Unbelievables?

NOTHING! These are our vanity projects. We have lives outside our crime-fighting do-goodery, you know! And this one, mine, is coming soon to a bookstore near you.

And ... I know! Hello! I'm champing at the bit to discover what Clark has in store for us Friday ... !!!

Monday, September 26, 2016

A Project Close To My Heart and Stomach

I'm sure if you haven't been living under a very large rock for the last few years you'll have noticed that people are very into diets. Every few weeks a new diet comes up that promises either boundless energy or rapid weight loss or both. Celebrities are very keen to slap their name on these fad diets, too.

There's Tom Hanks' No-Sugar diet, Harry Styles' Bulletproof diet, Elle McPherson's Super Elixir Diet and the ridiculous and disgusting "Kale and chewing gum" diet followed by Jake Gyllenhaal. Good grief!

Add to that the paleo diet, gluten-free, vegetarian, vegan, fruitarian, etc. etc.,  it's all so confusing! Especially when you're hungry. I mean, who has time to figure out fat content and E-numbers when we need breakfast!?

So that's why I thought - why not cut through all the muddle and bring out my own diet - purely for altruistic purposes, you understand, and not to make a fast buck - and just to keep things simple, call it "Jeff's Unbelievable Whipped Potato Diet"! It'll soon be available in a handsome leather-bound set of ten volumes, a bargain at a mere $99.97 or twenty payments of $6.23 + sales tax.

Here are a few highlights.

The classic Whipped Potatoes with Roasted Garlic.

Potato Mounds for that rare occasion when there are leftovers.

Potato Pancakes...

Potato burgers...

Potato muffins...

Another classic, potato croquettes...

Mashed potato soup...

and you can even make a healthy potato smoothie served in a hollowed-out spud.

Now, just in case you were thinking, "Is it all potatoes, then?" let me put your mind at ease. No, it's not all potatoes. That would be silly!

No, there's a section in the back of the book titled Entertaining Unbelievable Style where I've plundered some of my favourite recipes from the true era of dinner parties, the 1970s. Examples? So glad you asked.

Cheez Whiz - an essential kitchen item.

Appetizing, no?

Velveeta adds fun to anything.

Need I say more?

Your guests will flock to the table.

Bananas are, I believe, a much underused kitchen ingredient.

So to clarify, it is mostly potatoes, with some unhealthy processed and deep-fried treats thrown in for good measure.

Michael and Clark have their own vanity projects they'd like to tell you about later in the week.

Friday, September 23, 2016


Despite the obvious shoddiness and overall uninspired scripts we've seen, replete with sad, poor imitations of our snappy selves in gutterball roles, there were one or two we found amusing. If only the production companies would have come forward and asked us for help or permission or even a piece of the action for the use of our likenesses, we might have given our blessing. (Doubtful but ... you know ...)

Alternatively we found it necessary to sic our legal representation after them, The Law Offices of Poon, headed by our go-to buddy and confidant Chung S. Poon, advisor extraordinaire.

Our pal, Chung S. Poon

(To date, and because of Mr. Poon's legal wrangling, we've seized the ideas for those few that have potential. Developed properly, they could see the light of day ... but under our watchful eyes only.)

Clark said it Monday: Television had a very specific cycle back in the day. Now? Not so much. But put a couple spiffy ideas out there featuring The Unbelievables - not recycled, reconstituted drivel but thoughtful, interesting, engaging sitcoms or dramas or the like - and television could be brought back to its glory days of old.

Instead? Well ... you've seen some of the examples earlier this week. To wrap up the week, I'm offering a couple more which necessitated cease and desist letters. A few even went so far as to interest a couple prominent production studios which, in turn, ordered pilots. (Don't ask which ones. Let your mind go wild.)

"Frank" ... ??? Who's Frank?

Uhmmm ... no.

The bi-line on this one?
"And how to get around those pesky child labor laws."

The original title on this one was
"Look! Up In The Sky! Stargazing with 3 Guys Somewhere in Nevada"
Guess they wanted to go with the more straightforward title ...

This one was supposed to be a one hour after-school special one-shot.

Almost makes you want to give up television all together ... doesn't it?

Still ... that Unbelievababes one Jeff mentioned doesn't sound too shabby ...