Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Programming for the wee ones

Yeah, now might be a good time to get back into television and other content produced specifically for children. We haven't had that element in our employ since we folded the "Li'l Unbelievables" franchise.
Oh, we didn't tell you we did that?
Well, we did. Because we had to.

Turns out Oliver Pepperpot, who we had regarded as a kindly grandfather type dedicated to producing fun and educational material for children wasn't exactly who we thought he was.
"And who is your favorite 'Li'l Unbelievable', little girl?"
 Well, he was...in a way. He was sincerely committed to all of those things and did a great job. But he had a questionable side business that created some problems due to an inherent conflict of interest.

Specifically, he was selling weapons to our foes.
"And what is your favorite semi-automatic firearm capable of accepting a detachable magazine with a folding or telescoping (collapsible) stock, which reduces the overall length of the firearm and a pistol grip that protrudes conspicuously beneath the action of the weapon, little boy?"
So yeah, we had to let him go and the children's programming department with him. It was very sad because we genuinely liked Oliver. Such a sweet, sweet man.

It was also sad when we had to kick him off a bridge after he tried to kill us for letting him go.


But maybe the time is right to explore our options and get back into it.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

If We Were A Kids' Show...

Now it's time once again for our occasional dip into the Unbelieva-Mailbag...

This one is from Huw Rinal from Tan-Y-Bwlch, Wales, who writes:


Dear Unbelievables, 

     I know you had a TV show pilot that wasn't picked up by the networks, bach, isn'it, there's lovely. But if it could be rebooted as a kids' show, what sort of format would you like it to take - cartoon, live-action, 3D, computer animated, or what? There's lovely, isn'it?

Your pal from the valleys, bach, isn'it,


Huw Rinal.


Great question, and one I think we'll all have interesting opinions on. Myself, I'd like to see us as a Gerry Anderson-type action adventure show, with puppets as ourselves, like Thunderbirds or Joe 90. Intrigue, drama, espionage, technology, jumping out of planes, downhill skiing while shooting at people, etc. Like James Bond on a smaller scale.


Here's a couple of clips to give you an idea:








Can't you just see us kicking Henri Petit's butt in Supermarionation? Or knocking seven bells out of Little Debbie or Sam Snow while dangling dangerously from some exploding tower? Or even taking on extra intelligence a la  Joe 90 to defeat Negative Charge or Dr. Oldschool? And then winding down in the pool at Tracy Island with some lovely ladies (Hello, ladies!!)? 

I  think it would be a sweet idea. I may just get on the horn to some TV types and suggest it, but before I do, I'll have the guys weigh in on this topic.

Ciao!

Friday, July 21, 2017

Under-Ed-stimated

"You know" Clark commented "Ed is making a name for himself ... as our most inept foe to date." - Monday

Turns out I (we) might have sold Ed short. Granted, Michael was correct in stating that none of Ed Flurb's* threats against us ever came to fruition, but we're not the only people who ever get threatened. And while he has consistently failed to harm, impress, or even bother us, he has been making his presence known elsewhere.

He has at least one airplane. While that in itself is not a crime, a guy who on multiple occasions has threatened mayhem with the ability to take to the skies is a serious potential problem, as history has shown...


Not that he needs to fly to be a menace...
He broke into this house and stole this poor family's cupboards!! The note the fiend left behind said, "Please try to enjoy your cereals and canned goods stacked together on a table from now on! HA HA HA HA HA!!!"


The security team that somehow allowed him to get close enough to Janet Jackson to, um, offend, has been relieved of their duties.


And probably most disturbing of all...
He's gained access to the fertile young minds of our college students!

So, citizens, we can not afford to dismiss this man as a mere nuisance. Please keep your eyes open for anyone fitting this description, or even specific aspects of it, and if you see something, say something!

PERSON OF INTEREST: ED FLURB*

  • Hockey helmet
  • Glasses
  • Mustache
  • Spandex bodysuit
  • Lack of or, at best, ill-suited undergarments
  • Sack lunch
* We suspect that "Flurb" is not his real name, but rather an onomatopoetic alias based on the noises created when he puts on and takes off his bodysuit

Insult-Ed



For me, it wasn't so much how inept he appeared to be, it was how inept he most certainly was and yet was still able to get the ladies.


I mean, come on! He looks like he bought a giant condom, put it on and covered it with Magic Marker.

I voiced my opinion about this, loudly, to the guys when the above picture flopped onto our front doormat one day with an accompanying note:
Dear Unbelievables,
You guys think you're the only ones who know how to drive the ladies wild, huh? Well, let me tell you something - you're not!
Yours evilly, Ed Flurb, the evil guy
That one hit us where we live, you know?

Not only that, but the guy seems to have a following, for some obscure reason. So much so that he has inspired imitators who turn up at Comic-Cons dressed like him.



What is that all about!?

My opinion? Flurb is just a harmless nutter, albeit a mildly irritating one.

Clark will weigh in with his take on this fellow later. TTFN!


 

Monday, July 17, 2017

Ed Flurb, The Evil Guy





Someone we've never mentioned previously, Ed Flurb, is perhaps one of our dumbest foes ever. 

As a matter of fact, calling him a foe at all was a bit of a stretch. The guy was a genuine maroon.

But ... everyone has a dream, right? And few ever get the opportunity to get out there and live those dreams. Ed? Well, he got to gettin' and did his thing. So, in that respect, I guess we have to give Ed his due.

He first burst on the scene with - you guessed it - a letter (hand written even) that came to us out of the blue one day:


Unbelievables:

I'm The Evil Guy. And I just might turn out to be your worst super villain nightmare. So watch out!

Ed Flurb aka The Evil Guy


Yep. That was the extent of our introduction to him. Nothing more. We promptly forgot all about him.


Ed Flurb, The Evil Guy.
Evil ... personified.

Then, a few months later, we got another note from Ed:


Unbelievables: 

Remember McDonald's "Super Size" options on their meals some years back? It was all the rage and even got attention in that Morgan Spurlock film. Remember how "super sizing" was then vilified and eventually done away with by the chain? Well, I'm bringing it back. Me, The Evil Guy! Super sizing will be reintroduced to the doom of all mankind!

Ed Flurb (better known as The Evil Guy)


We pondered over this a while (it was a really a short amount of time we actually pondered) and decided to take a wait and see attitude about the affair. As it turned out, nothing ever came of it. Once more we promptly forgot all about Ed's threat.


Obviously taking a break from evil doing.

Another few months passed and another post came our way.


Unbelievables:

I'm planning on world domination in the form of slowing production values of the public at large. How am I going to do this? By randomly putting up orange safety cones on some of the busiest freeways ever, forcing bottlenecks and resulting in traffic jams and, thus, lost work hours. No one will be able to get anything done! With work stymied, the economy will collapse! Watch out!

Ed Flurb (You know me better as The Evil Guy)


We had a good chuckle at that one. And, of course, nothing was ever heard of on this particular issue.


We don't know. Don't ask.

"You know" Clark commented "Ed is making a name for himself ... as our most inept foe to date."

A few more months went by. Another letter.


Unbelievables:

You want trouble? I'm going to hand it to you on a silver platter. I'm teaming with Fidel Castro and Cuba and together we'll bring about "The Bay Of Pigs - The Sequel!" Start counting your days; they're numbered!

Villainous Ed Flurb, The Evil Guy

"Uhm ... doesn't he know Castro died a few years back?" Jeff queried.

But it didn't make any difference. Because we never heard word zero about Cuba or Casto or a resurrection of The Bay Of Pigs nor Ed's "alliance" again.


Again ... no clue.

Like I said: Ed did his thing. Giving credit wear credit is due, he did dream big. (So to speak.) But he never followed through on anything so far as we could tell. Or ... maybe he did and his plans simply died on implementation. We don't know.

But the dude was a never ending source of sniggers.

Jeff and Clark might have a few more words on Ed later in the week. Just, you know, don't expect much.


Note: We didn't hear from The Unbelievable Dance Crew over the weekend so there was nothing further to report on their behalf. When they get back to us, we'll get back to you. I know, I know ... you're waiting with bated breath to see what they come up with ...

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Everybody Dance - Wow!

KA-POW!!!

I was in the mailroom helping Ulf the Unbelievadog and Kip the Mail Boy to un-jam the copier when I became aware of a commotion from outside - lots of clapping, cheering and "YAY"ing going on. Before I could even open my mouth to ask what in the name of Henri Petit's lighter was occurring, Michael came in and collared me.

"Jeff," he hissed, "There are some rather enthusiastic young folk outside who wish to converse with you."

"With me?" I asked.

"Oh yes, you. Clark and I have done our turn with them, and now it's up to you."

"Whaddya mean, 'up to me'?" I enquired, but before Michael could answer, there I was at the front door faced with the vibrantly-attired group you see above.

"HI, JEFF!!!!!" They cried as they saw me.

"Er, hello to you," I responded, to which some of the girls in the crew giggled and said things like "Aw, he's sooo British" in a swoonsome manner.

"And who, might I ask, are you lot?" (More cries of "Ooh, he's such an Englishman" etc.)

"We're The Unbelievable Dance Crew! And we're here because you're our heroes and you need a signature dance! We think it would be super awesomely cool if you guys had a signature dance named after you that people could do when they're out for the night!"

I was intrigued. "Go on..."

"So we need to find out what kind of dance moves you guys like so we can incorporate them into a super-cool fabby dance routine and teach it to people!"

"Well, OK. I like a lot of dances, but particularly ones from the 30s, 40s and 50s, like the Charleston, Lindy Hop, Black Bottom, etc. Not to mention the Jitterbug, the Bop and the Stroll. That enough to be going on with?"

"That's totes amazeballs, Jeff!!" They shouted. "We think they're fan-dabi-dozi too! Give us a couple weeks to get it all choreographed and we'll come back with a sneak preview for you chaps!"

"How nice, " I thought to myself as the crew left the building. "They even threw in some U.K. slang to show me how much they like me."

I wonder what they'll come up with?




Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Everybody Dance ... How?




I had just come from somewhere in the base, coffee still in hand, when I heard "You know what? Hold on a moment ... I'm going to go get Michael ..." 

Then there was a loud cheering.

Clark came up to me. "Your turn. Go talk to the group outside."

"What? Who is it?" I asked.

"Just go. You'll see," Clark urged. He waited behind me a short distance, for what I hadn't a clue.

I went and opened the door. Cheering assaulted me and I jumped back a step. I swore I saw a few people in the background get thrown up in the air cheerleader style.

"HI, MICHAEL ... !!!"


Just like Clark, I took in the raucous greeting a bit unsettlingly. "Um ... hi?"

"We're The Unbelievable Dance Crew! And we're here because you're our heroes and you need a signature dance!"

I stepped back behind the door and looked over my shoulder at Clark. He floofed his hand at me in a "go on, talk to them" sort of gesture. I returned to the cacophony of cheering and greetings.

"'The Unbelievable Dance Crew' you say?"

"YES!!!" they shouted back at me.

"Unbelievable" I responded. 

"YES!!!" they shouted again. "We just think it would be awesome if 'The Unbelievable' was a dance that people could do in clubs and at weddings and other social occasions where people dance!"

"Truly unbelievable ..." I said again, under my breath. But, apparently, not quietly enough.

"YES!" claimed one person.

"Imagine it!" stated another emphatically.

"It would be awesome sauce!" cheered a third.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY ... !!!" all of them screamed in unison.

I stepped back, closed the door slightly and turned again to Clark. "Why are you encouraging this?!?"

"Oh, let'em have their fun! They're just enthusiastic and they dig us. Where's the harm? Besides ... they're even willing to incorporate robotic moves in whatever they do ..."

I grumbled and reopened the door. A troupe of 7 of them had initiated a costume change. My jaw dropped:



"Uhm ... you know what? Let me get Jeff. I'll be right back ..."

I closed the door, turned on my heel and scowled at Clark (he appeared to be enjoying my reactions) as I marched down the hall to find Jeff.

"Robotic! Moves!" Clark called after me as I disappeared around a corner ...