Friday, January 25, 2013

Word Bombs

A dapper ne'er-do-well obviously confused by Unbelieva-Wit ®©™
I am in complete agreement with Clark: violent men we are not. That isn't our bent. Violence for violence's sake is not an all-encompassing means to an end and it never will be.

That being said, it is with a heavy heart I reiterate the Lobster Rage Fist is a thing of the past as noted by my colleague Jeff in his earlier post. (*glares in Jeff's general direction*) You'd think being a core member of The Unbelievables would come with a privilege or two ... such as knowing if a weapon or methodology was to be retired. You'd think I'd have a say in such a matter ... a vote one way or the other ... the chance to voice my opinion yay or nay as to the disposition of said defense.

But ... no.

Though, to be fair, I will admit had that ouster come up for debate, I most likely would have employed one of the most effective means at my disposal to putting the Lobster Rage Fist on the back burner, something we don't often discuss: Outwittery Through Allocution (more commonly known as Unbelieva-Wit ®©™).

Many inferior imitations of Unbelieva-Wit ®©™ have come and gone.
The original is available only through us

Yes ... through my own personal and invaluable teachings, The Unbelievables have perfected the art of oration in the use of confusing and, ultimately, detaining bad guys. (You'll be happy to know home studied courses can be yours for three easy payments of $39.99 plus a modest shipping and handling charge.)

You see, the common villain is often oafish and dim; on many occasions it's pretty easy to sidestep their evil ways by throwing a few well-placed idea or suggestion their way on why they shouldn't attempt to destroy Puerto Rico, why they shouldn't undermine the government (a futile gesture being there's not much there to undermine in the first place) or rebuff their desire to try and take over the world. Their buffonish proclivities are often ripe for exposure to the ways and means of confusion of disquisition. In several cases, it's been as easy as suggesting a villain's shoelace is untied or asking "Hey ... what's that in your pocket?" and << BAM >> we've got'em right where we want'em: Aprehendisimo.

Of course, I'm not going to conduct a discourse on the whys and wherefores of Unbelieva-Wit ®©™. For that entitlement you're just going to have to shell out those three easy payments of $39.99 plus shipping and handling (makes a great gift anytime!) and bask in the glow of studying "how we do it."

This guy? Don't worry. We're working on him.
(Can you believe he actually tried ordering
his very own copy of Unbelieva-Wit ®©™
... ???)

In conclusion? There are alternatives to violence. They're not as adrenaline-inducing as a gun or bazooka or a bartender's artificial leg, but they can be just as satisfying. And some don't work all of the time ... but it's a comfort knowing we have a bevy of options at our disposal. 

And as Clark mentioned: "... when you need to blast a bad guy backwards through a plate glass window, well, there really is no substitute."

P.S. If Jeff believes his is the final word regarding the completely awesome Lobster Rage Fist, he's got another thing comin' ... *reglares in his general direction*

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