Wednesday, January 23, 2013

File Under: Do Not Use

There are literally thousands of different weapons out there and dozens of different fighting styles, and we here at Unbelievables HQ pride ourselves on being able to learn the most efficient ways of utilising these weapons and skills in double-quick time. We are all fast learners and can turn our hands to new disciplines in the wink of an eye.

Being skilled with weaponry as well as having to kick bad guys' butts on a weekly basis not only keeps us in tip-top shape, but it also means that we have seen some interesting, if not wacky, guns, swords, knives and the like in our time. Some are extremely useful - others, sadly, merely look good. And there are those that are neither. Since we don't use any of the following any more, we are allowed to show them to you. Brace yourselves.

 This outsized sword is really only useful if you are a wizard or an ogre. It looks amazing, but it's so blunt you can't really do anything with it except use it as an interesting serving platter for canapes. Move over Jamie Oliver!

This one was meant to be used for when you find yourself in a tough spot and are surrounded on all sides. Trouble is, there is no way to know which barrel your last shot will come out of. The spike is the most useful bit. Looks intimidating though.

The Crazy Gun is really only for those rare occasions when showering your opponent in Silly String is preferable to giving him a good duffing-up. Better save this one for Halloween.

A menacing weapon, but rejected because the shot tended to deflect off the tip of the blade, causing a shower of sparks and not hitting the intended target. High-class junk.

The Nerf Gator Gun. Speechless.

The multi-rubberband gun looks insane, but is only good for prancing around in a frock coat on a hillside.

A stupid knife based on a cricket bat. Better off to use an actual cricket bat.

Cpl. Baker with an invention of his own, the chainmachinegunsaw. We rejected this one, unsurprisingly, on the grounds that we could hurt ourselves by simply starting it up.

Not really sure what this is. Next!

At first glance we quite liked the sword/cane, but dropped it for two reasons: First, old people kept picking it up and taking it home by mistake, and secondly, because taking one of these suckers through TSA checkpoints is nigh impossible without certain uncomfortable questions being raised.

Effective, but cruel to crustaceans.

The ring-gun. Difficult to operate without blowing your finger off.

The blunder-axe. Looks great, but the recoil can be deadly.

I don't think that's strictly legal for huntin' deer, Bubba.

Ummm... not sure where this pic came from. Guys? any ideas?

This is one weapon we kept, but only for use at parties. You can use it for bagels, donuts, mini-pizzas and pineapple rings.

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