Sunday, January 20, 2013

Something's Not Right: Case Closed (An Unbelievables Follow-Up)

Whoomp! There it is!

Yes ... The Unbelievables can carve another notch in their bedpost (metaphorically speaking) when it comes to cases closed.

And this win really needs to go to Jeff and his brilliant shout out of our allies Dynamo, Paul McKenna and Derren Brown.

Sometimes, it's just a matter of letting the bad guys know who they're going up against that sends them running.

In Professor Rob Ott's case, maybe it was the video of Dynamo traipsing across the Thames which got to him ... perhaps it was the shame he might have felt at indirectly being called "fat" by McKenna ... or maybe it was simply Brown's steely stare (with eyes shooting lasers) that elicited icy fear within him.

No matter the reason, a non-descript white envelope marked "The Unbelievables - Please Read" was left at our headquarters yesterday from Ott that relinquished any and all world domination tendencies he might have been seeking. The key words he used that widened our eyes upon reading the note? Shockingly, they were "I'm sorry."

You see ... villains never say "I'm sorry." Never ever. They could give a rat's ass if you know they're sorry or otherwise. They'd just as soon cackle evilly to your face than apologize. As a matter of fact, we haven't seen anything quite like this before in our crime fighting-history.

While were happy Ott has backed off his dastardly doings, we clearly are able to read between the lines. Ott's apology is simply a way for him to recede into the shadows and regroup to figure out how to combat what he cannot possibly overcome in the end: The Unbelievables' hefty arsenal of ammunition.

So ... with a simple "Case: Closed" we tuck this file into our cabinet, confident in the knowledge it isn't everyday we need to put on our best duds and enact mayhem upon creeps, quashing their public-threatening, selfish ways.

America? You're welcome.

P.S. Jodie Foster? We've seen to it she's getting the care she needs after her little Golden Globe tirade, induced by Ott's machinations. Rumor has it she's back on track and considering a couple high-profile scripts for her reintroduction back into the Hollywood fold. (Thankfully, the words "electric" and "boogaloo" are NOT in the titles of said scripts.

P.P.S. For shits and giggles, we decided to send a thank you to Ott in response to his considerate note ... and we included a copy of the Dynamo issue of Beano because we know this would strike an icy spike of fear in him. (When it comes to super villains, it's not enough to stick it to them - you've got to add a little twist for emphasis ...)

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