Monday, November 13, 2017

The Unobsessibles

Having effectively dealt with Günther Parsifal McParshnipp (was there ever a doubt?), it occurred to me that an awful lot of our foes find themselves on the wrong side of the law due to their inability to effectively control their uncontrollable obsessions. McParshnipp with rooted vegetables. Mac Ramey with stringy fashion. Henri Petit with being a disgusting little urchin.
Yuck.
There's lots of people out there dangerously preoccupied with various things. Not all of them are criminals of course, but some of them are a mere gentle shove from becoming such. We monitor many of these folks for the sake of nipping potential problems in the bud, so to speak.

Such as...
LUDWIG VON DUCK
This guy wants to turn himself into a duck. Nothing wrong with that, I guess. Ducks are nice. He started out like this...
But recently has taken it to an extreme...
Yeah, this is worth keeping at least one eye on.


SHELLY BEENE
This is Shelly and she loves jelly beans. "Love them?", she queries. "Anybody can love them. Everybody SHOULD love them. They're amazing. They're incredible! They're the best thing on earth. In fact, they're the only good thing about this godforsaken world. I want them. All of them. I want every jelly bean there is!"
You're kidding, right Shelly?
"Huh? Oh (heh heh) yeah, just...you know... kidding."
Mmm-hmm. We're watching you, Shelly.


CAY and the KWALKERS
I can't say that we care for this kind of creepy capering about. "What's the problem", asks Cay on behalf of her little band of whatever-this-is doers. "Why, it's The Cakewalk! It's a prancing stage dance with a backward tilt. It's fun and good for your posture!" How is it good for your posture? You people look like human question marks. 10 minutes of this and anybody would be in lower lumbar agony. "Why, I never! How dare you imply that we're bitter about paying an exorbitant sum for the exsclusive rights to an antiquated form of dance that we hoped to turn into a retro fitness movement, but failed miserably, losing a fortune in the process!"


There are more just below the radar potential annoyance-providers that the fellas will tell you about later this week.

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