Sunday, March 5, 2017

A Failure To Communicate

Believe you me, we have spent many an hour studying this CCTV footage (which is why this post is late).

Something about this footage of Zigfried (or someone we assume to be him) just doesn't seem right. Staged, almost. Is it footage of a teeny tiny guy butt-kickin' on two burly geezers? Or is it footage of a normal-sized guy butt-kickin' on two giant dudes? 

Or is it (and this is the most likely theory, to my mind) footage that has been filmed from a certain special angle with a special camera, much like the ones used by Peter Jackson in the Lord Of The Rings and Hobbit movies in order to make Bilbo and Frodo look tiny alongside Gandalf and Thorin Oakenshield?

They did the same thing in Harry Potter.
Secondly, looking at the clothing in the CCTV footage, one has to wonder where a tiny guy like that can get such exquisitely tailored threads? We are on the lookout for a little person's seamstress as we speak.

Thirdly, after interviewing all the members of staff who were on duty that night at the Dolby Theatre, we found none that matched the description of the two gentlemen in the footage.

But, fourthly, and most perplexing of all, despite Zigfried ranting on Monday, "So, here's my demand: Get The Unbelievables to meet with me in 72 hours. Or all hell is going to break loose. You'll see real damage done, not just a simple switcheroo at an awards ceremony ..." and despite the best efforts of the venerable Crepe and Charlemaine to put us in contact with Zigfried, we haven't yet crossed paths, and nothing untoward has occurred. So what the heck is going on...?  

:::UPDATE::: As I write this, Kip, our trusty mail lad, has rushed in to tell me of a barely comprehensible voicemail he just received, claiming to be Zigfried himself. I myself have just taken a listen and here is a transcript. (Sorry about all the static.)

"Svxvxvssslisten up, Unbelievabssslllsxzz, forget about the whole svxvsz 72 zxsxz I had visitorszxzzss outa town zzzssx uncle zzsxszxAunt Clara and ffzxzsff Victoria Sandwich afararaaaa-a-a-a-zzzss. I'll be callingzzzfrfrfr Mondayccchhhh fffrfzzzss. So there!"

Curiouser and curiouser. Let's see what transpires tomorrow, eh?

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