Friday, November 18, 2016

Factual Errors


I have a few questions for Clark about his entry for Wednesday. I assume you read the whole shoddy report and you know what I'm talking about.

Firstly of all - I know you're a ladies' man, Clark, as are we all (hello, ladies!!!), but I know darn well that the Stiletto Flats jail is NOT, repeat NOT co-ed. Therefore I have serious doubts about the veracity of this picture.

Seriously? We're meant to buy this?!
Secondly, and this is the main point, I am heck-fire sure that Clark's tale of prison potatoes being better than mine is a giant fib, designed for some reason to wind me up. Why Clarkito should see fit to make a joke about the quality of my whipped potatoes is beyond reason - I mean, I use fresh ingredients - potatoes, butter, salt, pepper, etc.(don't want to reveal all the ingredients - it's a secret recipe, for flip's sake), and everyone knows fresh ingredients beat reconstituted pap any day of the week. But just to make sure, I took it upon myself to go visit this guy Lucky at the jail and see for myself. First thing I saw was row upon row of these -- 

which explained everything. For it is a well-known fact that Clark has a weird fetish about artificial chicken flavour anything. I mean anything. And not just chicken, either. Take a look at some of these things that I have personally seen Clark consuming:

Clark, your taste buds must be shot!!

P.S. I met this guy Lucky - wooden leg, missing ear, almost blind, hearing aid, mostly missing dentures, missing digits, several large warts, hunched back and a speech impediment - and asked to sample the potatoes. He agreed and handed me a bowl full of runny gunk. Quite simply, they were MESSAGE REDACTED FOR SECURITY PURPOSES MESSAGE REDACTED FOR SECURITY PURPOSES  in my life. So there you have it. In your face,Clark!

No comments:

Post a Comment