Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Unexpected Gifts (pt 2)

I got...
That's right, I pulled the card from the undeniably-evil-yet-unfailingly-polite electro-genius. I know everybody was expecting me to get someone else, but honestly this was the first randomly-pulled card I got after throwing back 16 or 17 with a return address of "HP". Sorry, I know that might be bending the rules but in what universe does a small, mewling, nicotine-saturated yambag like that get to ever be called a "winner"?
Anyway, here's how it went with Negative Charge...
NC: Hey, this is just super. I'm so honored! Come on in, have a seat. Can I get you anything?
ME: No. That's one.
NC: Oh ho! Right down to business! That's crafty of you. I guess I'd better not waste any more questions, eh?
ME: No. Two.
NC: Ouch! Got me again! All righty. Once bitten, twice shy. Twice bitten, then what?
ME: ...
NC: Withdrawn!
ME: Okay.
NC: All right then. You are aware that you and your chums stand between me and my goal to dominate the world and that for that reason I have to destroy you?
ME: Yes. Three.
NC: Nothing personal, you understand.
ME: ...
NC: That was a statement, not a question!
ME: Let's go.
NC: Okay then. In my efforts to gather operating capital to finance my schemes that will result in the downfall of society and highlighted by your painful deaths, should I rob museums or banks?
ME: Umm...
NC: Oh gosh, I didn't phrase that as a Yes or No question. I am so sorry! Totally my fault. Okay, should I rob banks?
ME: No. That's four.
NC: I don't mean from a moral standpoint.
ME: Oh. Then yes. THAT's four.
NC: Thanks for the mulligan! Ha ha!
ME: No problem.
NC: Is three henchmen too many?
ME: No. Five.
NC: Is eight too many?
ME: No. Eight is enough.
BOTH: Ha ha ha! (high-fives exchanged)
NC: Is an underground hideout a good investment in 2015?
ME: Yes. Seven.
NC: What's the deal on Marissa? Should I ask her out?
ME: No!! Eight.
NC: Okay, okay. Relax.
ME: It's cool.
NC: Are pre-wedding jitters normal or a sign that I should call things off?
ME: Didn't you just ask me about dating Marissa?
ME: All right! Geez!
NC: Please excuse my outburst.
ME: No problem. Anyway, yes. And then no. Nine and ten.
NC: Is it appropriate to recognize the hard work of a henchman with a gift or an award instead of a raise in salary?
ME: Yes. One more.
NC: Oh, you know, I've just had such a super time today. I'll yield my final question in lieu of thanking you for making yourself available. It's been just a hoot and a half and I'm sorry that the next time I see you, I'll be killing you and Jeff and Michael. Please say hi to them for me, won't you?
ME: Yes. And that's twelve.
BOTH: Ha ha ha! (high-fives exchanged again)

Okay, last but not least, it's Jeff's turn now!

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