Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Super Bowl Sign Language

Michael posed the question on Monday... what exactly happened during the Super Bowl? Well, before I can even start, I need to give you a bit of background on that most evil and insidious of groups, The Illuminati.

Yes, the Illuminati are a group founded back in 1776 (coincidence? I think not) by a loony German and some of his mates who thought it would be fun to rule the world. Their method? Get all the most famous and influential people in the world to join, and spread the word. To do this word-spreading, lots of celebs use symbols and hand-gestures when they are on TV, in movies and attending highly public events in order that other Illuminati can see that they have club members everywhere. Who's in the club? Virtually everyone who's even a little bit famous.

"But Jeff, " I hear you all splutter. "You guys have a network of celebs who supply you with information! Surely not everybody?"

True, we do have Hollywood insiders, and most of these are people we either got to before they could get got by the Illuminati, or they are reformed ex-Illuminati who were un-brainwashed by our friends Derren Brown and Paul McKenna.

So what of these 'symbols', then? Sure, Beyonce was performing 'the all-seeing eye'...

which, coincidentally (?) can be seen on the back of every U.S. Dollar bill.

But what other signs are out there?

Here's the one and (thankfully) only Kid Rock pointing to the space between his legs, underneath which is (gasp!) a triangle. This sign is called 'the all-seeing crotch'. Apparently his 'third eye' is in a different place to everyone else.

This sign from Gene Simmons is all too easy to read. Devil worship, loud and clear!

Ted Nugent isn't just some deer-huntin' Romney-endorsing attention-seeker, he's a deer-huntin' Romney-endorsing attention-seeker who is showing us two signs combined: Camo Stetson pointed to his left which translates as "Join the Satan club" (stupid big-ass hat, left as in Communist, as in evil, geddit?), and the middle finger on the volume knob is a sign that translates as "Pump up the Satan club volume". 

That lame Unbelievables wannabe Chuck Norris here, with the sign that means 'world domination and free Odor-Eaters for all', which, aside from the world domination part, would be a pretty sweet deal.

So you see, the sign-throwing D-listers are all over the place. Beyonce's sign was misconstrued by some Illuminati on Sunday because she screwed up her placement of the microphone in the middle of the triangle, giving some the false impression that she had just given them the sign for "free office supplies for all!"

We Unbelievables were there, of course, when the whole thing went down. I'll leave it to Clark to tell you how we foiled the Illuminati this time, and how come Alicia Keys butchered the anthem, and maybe why Jennifer Hudson felt the need to upstage the Sandy Hook schoolkids.

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