I remember the first time we met Elvis.
We were at the HQ and heard on the wire that The King was filming on location in Vegas.
"Why, that's just down the road from us!" cried Michael excitedly. "Let's vamoose, muchachos!"
We hit the road, taking along our pal Monica Lewis, as she was not only a fan of The Pelvis but we figured she might be handy in getting us onto the set to meet the King. How right we were.
We got as far as meeting that immense tool Colonel Tom Parker, Elvis' manager. He kept us talking for what seemed an age, professing to be a fan of ours and wanting to discuss all sorts of plots and conspiracy theories and whatnot. Every time we made for Elvis' dressing room door, he would start waffling on about another topic and eventually we had to distract him. This is where the lovely Monica helped. Clark said, "Say, Colonel Tool, uh, Tom, have you met our friend Monica?" and so enraptured was he by her charms, we were able to slip away from the awful old bore and into the King's presence.
Turns out he was an even bigger fan of ours than Colonel Tom, so much so that he wanted to help us in whatever way he could. After much discussion we decided to let Elvis be an informant, but he wanted to go one further.
|He was stunned to be able to join us.|
He suggested that since he travelled all over the globe, we should let him set up an international network of celebrity informers, and this is what he did.
|New recruit: Scrappy the wonder Dog. Not really had much info from him, but awwww...|
|He kicked our asses that day.|
Then there was the "Overblown Prog Rock" social evening...
And the "Stand On A Ladder and Sing" mixer.
He also enjoyed pranks, as do we. I remember the time we glued his nose to a mirror. Oh how we laughed.
He was a very friendly and amenable fellow who would do anything as long as there was a deep-fried chili cheeseburger and a peanut butter and banana sandwich involved.
Unfortunately, this was to become his downfall. Not just the food, but he was such a well-meaning chap, as soon as some rough types out there found out that Elvis had a predilection for such grease-laden comestibles, they would have him do their evil bidding by tempting him with such treats and then keep him silent by plying him with alcohol and drugs. Then he got hooked on those, and this took a terrible toll on his body.
|As you see.|
It wasn't long before the rumours about his death being faked started to circulate. There were so many reported 'sightings' of Elvis that even we Unbelievables couldn't be sure. However, we do now know the truth, for a couple of years following Elvis' demise, one of his recruits, a young lady named Kirsty MacColl, sent us a coded message that confirmed once and for all that the King was no more.
"There's a guy works down the chip shop swears he's Elvis," sang the lovely Kirsty. "But he's a liar, and I'm not sure about you." That was all we needed to know - anyone who says they're Elvis, and therefore anyone who says they've seen Elvis despite the fact that he was meant to be dead, is a bald-faced liar.
I'll leave it to the other guys to tell you more about our association with Mr. Presley, but I'll leave you with this thought: Kirsty herself died in mysterious circumstances in the year 2000. Spooky, no?