Monday, March 14, 2016

"The Unbelievables Still Might Be Dying Still"

CLARK: Hello?
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: Hey, if you guys are going to Starbucks, would you mind picking up a Triple, Venti, Half Sweet, Non-Fat, Caramel Macchiato for me, please?

CLARK: Okay, A) How do you know we're going to Starbucks and B) How am I supposed to remember all that and C) How do you plan on paying me back and D) Aren't jokes about ridiculous Starbucks drink concoctions kinda 1996-ish?
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: A) I'm calling from inside the house and frankly, it's disappointing that you guys didn't figure that out and B) That's a fairly common Starbucks order and C) I kind of think that tipping you off about someone coming to murder you is worth at least something nice from Starbucks and D) Shouldn't you be more curious about my identity than my sense of humor?
MICHAEL (puts call on speakerphone): Listen you, what kind of sick game are you playing?
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: Tsk tsk, wasting time asking questions when you should be preparing for the arrival of The Ominous Tall Man Dressed All In Black. Tsk, tsk.
JEFF: Who says "tsk, tsk" more than once? This guy's whole routine is kind of corny, isn't it?
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: Listen, you guys are screwing around and should be taking this whole situation much, much more seri...erk!...Oh great. That's just great.
CLARK: What happened?
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: I've been stabbed! I'm dying!! This changes, well, everything. Specifically, my chances of becoming a recurring character with my own Label.

MICHAEL: Who did it?!?
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: Oh, come on! "Who did it?" It was obviously The Ominous Tall Man Dressed All In Black!! Now, somebody please help...
JEFF: You guys, an Obviously Tall Black Man In A Dress is here and killing people who break in and use our phones!
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: That's not what I said! That isn't even clo... Oh god, this really hurts!
CLARK (hangs up phone) *click* That's enough from him. Looks like we'd better postpone that trip to Starbucks, fellas.
MICHAEL: Oh, damn it! I'm seriously craving a Triple, Venti, Half Sweet, Non-Fat, Caramel Macchiato right now. All right, let's spread out and find this guy.
JEFF: The Blocked Number Caller or the other one?
CLARK: We should probably start with The Obscene Talented Man Dressed Like Robert Blake, since he seems to be more of a credible threat at this point. The other guy isn't even going to be a recurring character with his own label.
JEFF: Okay, that's what I figured. Just checking.
MICHAEL: Let's go!

And with that, we went!

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