Wednesday, March 9, 2016

"The Unbelievables Might Actually Die This Time!"

Shortly after the meeting Michael told you about on Monday ended, our phone rang...

CLARK: Hello?

CLARK: Hello?
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: I'm sorry. I had a mouthful of food and I wasn't expecting anyone to pick up after just one ring. Is this better?
CLARK: Yes, much better, thanks.
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: You're going to die!
CLARK: One second. Kip, it's for you.
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: No, I don't want...
KIP: Hello?
"Hello? Hello? Are you there? Hello? Who is this? Hello? Hello?"
Hang up already, you moron!

CLARK: Hello?
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: Hi. Please stay on the line. I don't want to talk to Kip.
CLARK: Join the club, pal.
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: No, when I said 'you're going to die', I meant you and Jeff and Michael. The actual Unbelievables.
CLARK: Oh, you're going to kill us, eh? Do you think we're afraid of someone who doesn't even have the guts to call in threats from an unblocked phone number?
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: It's not me. I'm not coming to kill you. I have inside knowledge of a plot devised to eliminate you.
CLARK: Who is this and how do you have this information?
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: I can't answer either of those questions. All I can tell you is The Ominous Tall Man Dressed All In Black is coming for you!
CLARK: LeBron James is coming to kill us?
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: What? No. I didn't say it was LeBron James. Why would you...?
CLARK: You said it was a tall black man who plays basketball, which is a little bit racist, frankly. All tall black men don't play basketball, you know.
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: I didn't say he was black or anything about basketball! You're the one who...
CLARK: I can't say I'm surprised. LeBron is kind of mad at us about something right now that I can't get into. Although I am surprised that he's so mad that he'd want to kill us...
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: I really don't think it's LeBron James...
CLARK: I mean, of course I can see him wanting to kill Jeff. No brainer. But I didn't say anything and Michael wasn't even there at the time.
"Hey! Hey, you big crybaby! Waaaah! Waaaaaah!!"
"Ohmygod, knock it off! He's looking right at us! Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod!"

BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: Listen! You need to take this threat seriously! I don't know when The Ominous Tall Man Dressed All In Black is coming for you but he is coming, and soon!
CLARK: I assume since you have this info, you were at that meeting we heard about where all of our foes gathered in once place to talk about us. In which case, you're a foe of ours. Why are you trying to save us.
BLOCKED NUMBER CALLER: Because I have plans of my own for The Unbelievables. Some day. In the future. A long time from now. Definitely not this week. Maybe during the NBA playoffs, when it might bring more traffic to the blog. At any rate, later. And my plan calls for much worse than merely killing you!
CLARK: Wait... is that you, LeBron?

 And then, the power suddenly went out!

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