Monday, November 30, 2015

We're Inventive

One thing you may or may not know about us Unbelieva-chaps is that in our spare time (which is few and far between, let me tell ya) we like to tinker with ideas and invent stuff. The same creative blue sky out-of-the-box thinking that leads us to create remarkable weaponry or insane defensive skills (such as the memorable Lobster Rage Fist) also helps us to invent things that can be used by the general public, hi-tech businesses or even law enforcement agencies. Here's a few exciting examples of ones I myself have created.

You've all heard of 'telecommuting', right? What used to be known as 'working from home'? This little setup is something I came up with to help the home worker to feel more relaxed and ready to work - after all, you can't do your best work unless you've had plenty of rest, can you? So this idea ensures that at the slightest hint of drowsiness, you can catch forty winks without having to go anywhere, letting you wake refreshed and raring to go. Of course, the bedsores are an embarrassing side effect, so a quick walk around the house once a day makes sure you don't end up with any muscle wastage or suppurating thigh issues.

Want to open a motel but strapped for cash? Get a few old caravans and trailers for cheap and weld them together. Then simply sit back and let the money roll in. You are welcome.

The 'Motor-Cage' lets motorcycle cops cuff'em and stuff'em just like the guys in the cruisers. Just a simple sidecar conversion and you are good to go.

Another simple sidecar conversion, and covert surveillance now comes on three wheels. I call this one the "Motor-Rollei", geddit? Anyone? Is this thing on?

The ladies of the Pickle-On-The-Wold Women's Institute were very keen to try out my designs for kitchen safety goggles. Cake making can get so messy - all that flour and butter and jam flying all over the place.

Of course, it's very easy for a filmmaker to simply mount a camera on the front of a car for those action scenes, but I managed to convince the makers of The Fast and The Furious that a camera alone lacked that human touch, so together we devised a rig so that I could film the action myself while on board a moving vehicle. It was quite a rush, and I think the results speak for themselves.

Joshua Heap and Company bought my design for an apple peeler-corer-slicer, but then went ahead and did something completely different with it. Ah well, I got paid, so everyone was happy.

Here's a preview of my "Robo-Gyno" design for busy obstetricians - still a work in progress, but it's got potential.

(Not sure what this is doing here.)
The guys will tell you all about some of their inventions later in the week. Meantime, I'm off to strap myself to the front fender of a school bus - we're doing a Partridge Family reboot in which the bus is involved in a high-speed chase against Henry Rollins and Haley Joel Osment across Nevada.

What can I tell ya? They've downsized.

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