Wednesday, November 4, 2015

We Won't Be De-Feet-ed

Sure, our Unbelievasuits are handy. But our feet need protection, too. We have specially designed footwear which not only have all sorts of handy additional gizmos on board to aid us in our world-protecting, crime-fighting daily lives, but are designed to reflect our personalities (what with us being stylish gents and all).

Clark is a sneakers and hi-tops kinda fellow. Here are some of his shoes...

(A) onboard GPS-enabled tracker, and (B) Wi-Fi hotspot.

(A) Looks like a fastener but in fact unfolds to become a Ninja Throwing Star. (B) Hipster man-bag actually converts into rubber dinghy. (C) Sole is actually made of deliciously seasoned halloumi cheese and can be eaten in a dire emergency, like getting stuck in an elevator or when adrift at sea (in the rubber dinghy, natch)

(A) Orange patterned section actually contains sleeping gas, which can be released by scratching with fingernail. Handy for disabling crooks or when suffering from insomnia. (B) Ridged rubber toecap is useful in a variety of situations, from adding extra grip when climbing fire escapes or brick walls, to adding swirly patterns to the tops of cupcakes.

(A) Another foodstuff to be used in an emergency - this time it's a Fruit Roll-Up. (B) Slots in soles are useful for hiding USB drives, microfilm, microchips, etc.

Myself, I'm more of a dress shoe type of chap. Here's some of my special shoes.

There are mini cameras installed in one of the little holes on the brown section of shoe. (E) denotes the laces which are actually made of high-tensile steel/nylon cable which comes in handy for tying up bad guys,  fixing things, swinging from stuff, etc.

My lil'snazzies, replete with (A) micro-missile launcher, and (B) tear gas dispenser.

The "Babe Magnets", with (C) titanium toecap (viciously sharp), and (D) walkie-talkie.

Some people have mood rings. I have mood shoes. These DM's are designed for butt-kicking when in certain moods: (A) pensive; (B) reckless; (C) depressed; (D) furious; and (E) dark and gritty.

As for Michael, he tends to spend a lot of the time pantsless, which makes his choice of shoes all the more curious. They are specially designed to confuse, distract and disorient a would-be criminal. He simply calls them "Unbelievablinders".

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