Okay, this happened. Vampire bats did indeed rip our flesh. And yes, the fighting technique depicted here is how we managed to survive. You can learn how to do that in one of our Unbelievinars, "Using Animals As Weapons Against Other Animals". But this only happened one time.
Look! They re-cycled the whole story, down to the cover illustration and even the headline. This never happened! Weasels are generally not known as aquatic animals. Now, there was a time when some otters got a little aggressive. But that's now what's happening here though. Shoddy.
Oh come on. As if we wouldn't be able to escape from turtles. They're slow!!
Do you see a disturbing trend and a negative stereotype being promoted? If the publishers of "Man's Life" had their way, they'd have you believe that every single time we take our shirts off and wade in waist-deep water (which is admittedly a frequent past-time), that we're swarmed by hostile creatures and have to fight our way out. That only happens about a third of the time, and always when we're rescuing slutty damsels!
Oh well. At least one positive thing in terms of inspiration came out of this...
You're welcome, Frank.
Let's see what Jeff and Michael have to say about this scurrilous rag.