Wednesday, November 6, 2013

My case against Kip, the Mail Boy

"Anger issues" regarding Kip, the Mail Boy? Nah, not me. I bear no anger toward the lad. Severe distrust? Oh yes, absolutely. But that's because of his face, with all the features pushed together and occupying a disproportionately small area of his head and I make no apologies. Until modern science proves me wrong, I refuse to believe that "Kip" isn't related to "Kim":
Uncanny, in that the resemblance is too close to be canny.
And bitter resentment? Most certainly. There's the whole, "getting in my way all the damn time" thing, which is in itself, super annoying. More importantly, I feel he's just a bad fit for our organization. Specifically, why do we need a mail boy? I can think of at least three candidates of the female persuasion who would be infinitely more qualified to do the job than that sniveling, pinch-faced, kimchi-eating traffic impediment. Again, I say that with no anger. But come on!

"Oopsie, I dropped some! Maybe if I hike my skirt up even higher, I can carry more envelope thingies in it and that won't happen any more!" Angie sees a problem and immediately comes up with a solution. That is the kind of initiative you want to see out of any employee.

"Here, Clark. I wrote you another mail. I used even more perfume this time." Okay Delores, traditionally we'd be looking for someone to handle the distribution of incoming mail, not generate it. But I like the outside-the-box approach!

"Ugh! That darn Unbelieva-security gate! I got my dress caught in it again!" Yeah, sorry about that, Susannah. We'll have to adjust that. Or something.

I guess my devotion to providing career opportunities for women is something I believe in so strongly that it precludes me from appreciating Kip, the traitorous moron. That's just the kind of guy I am, and that Kip is not. Again, I say that with no anger. But he sucks.

No comments:

Post a Comment