Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Our mentor of disguise

Funny that Jeff mentioned the specific phrase "action figure" because it immediately calls to mind none other than Captain Action, the man who taught us the art of disguise.

"Ray gun: check. Lightning sword: check. Underwear on the inside: Oh damn it!"
We never learned his real name but that's okay. If there's one thing we understand, it's that it's important to guard your secrets in our line of work. Captain Action (or Cap or C.A. as we called him) never became quite as widely known or appreciated as G.I. Joe, but those familiar with him know that versatility was his strongest suit. He could become anybody!

"Bah! Your licensing restrictions are of no concern to me!"
That was not always the case, however. I said earlier that he taught us the art of disguise, but actually, we kind of learned together.
We had taken on the assignment of infiltrating a rogue paramilitary organization in order to steal their plans for a weapon of mass destruction. We had gotten in but were stuck in a corridor deep within the compound, unable to proceed without being spotted due to their armed guards and a state-of-the-art video surveillance system. We came across one of their shock troops and he tried to take us out. Of course, we handled that minor obstacle with little difficulty but figured we had only bought ourselves a precious few seconds before more troops were dispatched, in greater numbers and with bigger weapons. That's when Cap sprung into Action...
CAPTAIN ACTION: Quick! Help me put on that guard's jacket and hat!
US: (We help him)
CAPTAIN ACTION: Excellent! Now I can move among them and not be detected!
MICHAEL: That's great, except you forgot about the dozens of video cameras all over this place.
CAPTAIN ACTION: What about them?
JEFF: They totally just watched you put on one of their uniforms.
CAPTAIN ACTION: I don't follow...
CLARK: You have no element of surprise. They're all like, "Hey look, one of them just put on one of our uniforms!", "Oh wow, which one?", "The one that didn't have one on before and who is wearing his underwear on the outside!", "Oh, well, let's kill him and then his friends!".
US: ...
CAPTAIN ACTION: Let me wear your sunglasses!

Anyway, it turns out that they were all watching some sports thing on tv and weren't even paying attention to the video cameras (the one guy we encountered was just on his way to the men's room) because we just kind of walked into their offices, found the plans and left through the front door. But we all got better at the art of disguise after that. Especially Captain Action.

A LOT better!

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