The (Unbelievable) Benefit Of Kids' Programming

You know ... there's nothing better than educational television with a twist to get the kiddies involved, aware and gung ho about learning.

That's why I think an academic, informational slant on boob tube viewing would be the way to go for the tykes.

Picture it: A lively intro and engaging narration directed right at the viewing audience to the point of enthusiasm! (Bet you didn't know Jeff, with his distinctive British accent, is the perfect man to front such voice-over interaction. He is! But any of us could step up to the task; Clark possess an intriguing command of language and I have radio announcing experience beneath my belt. Heck, week to week we could trade off to keep things fresh and interesting! Brilliant!)

The subject of our kids' programming? Why, education the Unbelievable's way of course! (Translation: Education the Unbelievable's way = FUN!)

Here are a few examples:

Revolutionary War Re-enactment

Just think of the joy learning about regimented training, wartime strategies and the mechanics of firearms! Kids like things that go boom, you know. Win, win!

Hands-On Farming

For the hard to please little ones, nothing conditions them like putting them in place of farm animals to cool their jets. With Jeff's pointed commentary, the fear of excessive, difficult equipment operation will get them to appreciate how well off they really are with their PS4s and other electronics.

Discovery At Sea Level

Kids are naturally curious. They'll be amazed at all the creepy crawlies and other things inhabiting beaches and tide pools. Careful of those poisonous sea anemones though! (The narration will learn'em.)

Rough and Ready

Nothing educates like hands-on experience. The Unbelievables unique examples of brickworking, construction and other physical activities will fine tune the clumsiest of kids, honing them to alert individuals and remove any ungainly butterfingerness.

Tools Of The Trade

Our singular and original series of heavy equipment education will have children crying "More!" when they're introduced to our step by step methodologies for troubleshooting and repairing all manner of machinery. If you're afraid of getting your hands dirty, these segments will remove any doubts.

What do you think? Terrific, I know! The kids would go wild in the streets!

"I know I have homework, mom, but I really want to tune into The Unbelievables and their nifty educational program! Can I, please?"

Yep. That could be your kid asking you to watch something that will benefit them in their delicate, formative years, something to take with them all through life. (Who knows? Maybe watching our show will benefit you, too!)

I like it!

More and other bad ideas

When you're like us, you've got ideas firing off all the time. Morning, noon and night, it's just an endless stream of notions to help make people's lives better. The law of averages is that they can't all be great. Just know that every substandard invention we show you here is offset by about 40 awesome ones.

That said, let's take a look at some of these turkeys (not the good kind, that you eat with stuffing and stuff)...

RADIOVISION

THE IDEA: Actually see your favorite radio programs instead of just listening to them like some boob!
THE (failed) EXECUTION: I took the back off of an AM radio and strapped it on my Uncle Neil's head. He liked being able to see inside of a radio while listening, and I guess there's entertainment value in that. Certainly the experience would have been more enjoyable if radios had any moving parts. Like, any. At all.
PS: My Uncle Neil still has this prototype and it continues to be his preferred means of following his beloved Chicago Cubs, even after baseball season ends.
PPS: Nobody likes my Uncle Neil.

YODELING METER

THE IDEA: Not what it looks like; the meter isn't measuring her yodeling. It's a standard household water meter that yodels when you use the bathtub, flush the toilet, run a faucet, etc.
THE (failed) EXECUTION: I had hoped that it would cut down on water waste but I overestimated people's hatred of yodeling. Turns out, some people actually enjoy it.

BOTTLE TAPPER

THE IDEA: Who has time to leave a bottle upright and pour the contents into glasses as needed when you can invert it and attach it to a device that uses the power of gravity to dispense sparkling beverages and needs to be cleaned thoroughly after every time you use it?
THE (failed) EXECUTION: Everybody, as it turns out.

HAM PLATES

THE IDEA: I know you're looking at the "truck nuts" but we would never come up with something that lame. No, this is about the license plate made of potted pork meat product, which was supposed to be a survival aid if you had no provisions and got lost in the woods or something.
THE (failed) EXECUTION: Illegible, delicious (dogs chasing you everywhere).

SHADY HAND

THE IDEA: The Original Sun Visor! 3-D! One Size Fits All! (Sorry, only available in Caucasian)
THE (failed) EXECUTION: Not enough people this stupid:

THE "TAKE THAT!" SATCHEL

THE IDEA: Fend off would-be muggers by aggressively firing the contents of one's valise at them.

THE (failed) EXECUTION: Most would-be muggers took the name literally because they don't mind the relatively minor inconvenience of picking up the contents of one's valise off the sidewalk.