Those Damned Dirty Apes

"Arrrrgh!"

Arrrrgh, indeed.

Those.  Damned.  Dirty.  Apes.

After all this time, it was almost unbelievable (see what I did there?) to conceive they'd been lying in wait all this time just to get back into the game and attempt even more monkey business than before.

But that was their plan.  Exactly.  The three of us knew them too well.  Having tussled with them previously, what nefarious shenanigans could they be up to this time?

The fact of the matter came down to this:  A diabolical plot by a bunch of simian ne'er-do-wells deserved an equally ingenious counter measure.

"I'll be right back," I told Clark and Jeff.  I grabbed my wallet and headed for the door.

"Where's he going?" Clark asked.  "Beats me" Jeff responded "... but I bet he's got a plan."

Of course I had a plan ...

Half an hour later, I returned with an envelope in hand.

"Whatcha got?" the guys asked.  

"The easiest solution to our little Bames Jond & Company problem.  Tickets to "The Monkey," that spiffy flick currently making the rounds in theaters near us.  You know ... the one based on the Stephen King short story from back in the day.  I'm going to offer up free tickets for an evening showing to that hairy brood!  We'll make nice, invite them on a group date, settle in for the show then << BAM! >>  The local boys in blue can nab them before they've even had the chance to open a box of Banana Runts candy."

 

Brilliant!

"Problem solved.  We'll barely need to lift a finger.  Plus, being the bunch of chimps they are, dollars to donuts says they'll have whatever villainous criminal plans they're purporting to conduct tucked neatly in their coat pockets.  Nothing like catching'em red-handed!"

I got on the phone and called our contacts at the local police station to arrange everything.

Long story short, Jond and his cohorts accepted our generous invitation (probably delighted at the notion we were walking right into their hands and being so nice about it), met us at the theater and - no sooner than the opening credits began to roll - the theater lights came on and they were surrounded by the authorities.  Clark, Jeff and I just sat there, munching popcorn and enjoying "the show." 

Apprehended, we waved goodbye to them as they were ceremoniously led out of the theater in cuffs.  "We'll tell you how it ends!" Jeff offered.  "No we won't!" Clark refuted.

"Man ... that was easy," I offered.  "So easy, it makes you wonder if we shouldn't come out of semi-retirement ..."

We collectively pondered that thought then relaxed as the lights dimmed, "The Monkey" coming back on the big screen once more for us to enjoy.

Yeah ... foiling Bames Jond and the rest was easy.  Much easier than the tale of the Meta messages.  Was it genius (probably) or sheer coincidence Jeff put two and two together and tied the original message, the anagram, the sneeze correlation, Jond, et al, together?  There were still missing pieces to the story, certainly ... not to mention that other virtually identical notification from "Det Herkules Poirot."  

But perhaps, just perhaps, that's a tale for another time ...

... possibly ...