Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Something else we won't do is...

Game shows.
Tried it once.
Didn't work.
Never again.

JOHN DALY: Welcome back to "What's My Line"! Right now we have three mystery guests, which is slightly unusual for this show, but they insisted. They've already signed in so let's get right to the questioning!
ARLENE FRANCIS: Hello mystery guests, how are you?
MICHAEL: Fine, thanks.
JEFF: That's one of the questions, right? It was a question. One down!
JOHN DALY: I think she was just greeting you. Go ahead Arlene.
JEFF: Bunch of cheaters...
ARLENE FRANCIS: Yes, um, well, are you entertainers?
CLARK: Yes we are. When we have parties, we entertain our guests.
MICHAEL: She means show business. No, we are not in show business.
JEFF: That's two!
DOROTHY KILGALLEN: Does what you do require uniforms?
MICHAEL: Do you mean pants? Because no.
CLARK: It kinda does.
JEFF: Three down!
MICHAEL: It doesn't, though. Not at all.
CLARK: Just because you don't like wearing pants, doesn't mean you should never wear them. There are lots of tactical situations where pants are just a good idea.
MICHAEL: That's a decision that should be left up to the individual. Don't impose your personal preferences on me.
JEFF: Four! Four questions off the board.
CLARK: I don't see why you couldn't wear pants today. We're on television. Plus, you're standing right behind me.
JOHN DALY: The answer is no, panel. They don't wear uniforms. And that's only two questions.
BENNETT CERF: Do you work with animals?
JEFF: Like in an office, with chimpanzees sitting at desks, lions operating the copy machine, narwhals making sales calls? What a stupid question. What kind of world do you think we live in? That should count as two questions. Two dumb questions. Six down, four to go! Four more and we get the money!
JOHN DALY: It's only three and technically, nobody actually answered it...
MICHAEL: Why is it such a big deal all the time whether or not I choose to wear pants? I'm not hurting anyone.
CLARK: It's not a big deal all the time, but when we're out and about. Specifically in the Corvette and the upholstery...
MICHAEL: Oh for Pete's sake! It's vinyl and wipes clean with a damp cloth!
JOHN DALY: Gentlemen, please!
CLARK: It's leather and you know it! I've told you a dozen times!
JEFF: A dozen? That's 12! There are only supposed to be ten questions. Daly, you sneaky, conniving bastard! We win! We win all the money! (Walks off the set followed by CLARK and MICHAEL who continue to argue)
JOHN DALY: Uhhh, I guess we'll go to commercial? Yes, go to commercial and we'll be right back with our next mystery guest, heavyweight boxer Floyd Patterson.
ARLENE: You just told us the next mystery guest's name and occupation!
JOHN DALY: Oh, put a sock in it, will you, Arlene?!?

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