Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Terrible Tuesdays

Michael's right, Mondays have a terrible and undeserved bad rep and we want to change that. Since this is entirely a public perception issue, a good place to start is to focus that misdirected ire at a worthy target.
Like Tuesday.
Tuesday, not Monday, is the absolute worst day of the week. How so? Glad you asked!

Let's say your grandmother is a terrible cook. I'm not saying that, except hypothetically. Actually, she's a good cook, except when it comes to meatloaf. Everything she makes is delicious but her meatloaf is godawful. You're scheduled to eat dinner at her house and that's fine as long as she doesn't make meatloaf. 
Guess what? 
She's making meatloaf.
Think of Monday as that first forkful of the steaming, dry, gray, grainy, crumbling ground beef compound, festooned with a sad drizzle of store-brand ketchup that lands on the table in front of you with a dull thud. You have to serve yourself a good-sized chunk of it and gulp it down with a brave face so Gam Gam thinks you like it and it isn't terrible. Well, it is terrible. It's the most terrible thing you've put in your mouth on purpose since that time in college. But, hey, if that were the only mouthful you had to choke down, you'd be okay. It's staring down the second bite when despair overcomes you and you realize that eating this is your foreseeable future. Tuesday is that second bite, where you put it in your mouth, which still has the nasty aftertaste left over from Monday, and swallow it with considerably more difficulty than you had with the first one. And then you look down at your plate and realize you're not even half finished.

Also, holidays. There are several Mondays throughout the year when the banks and post offices are closed and you get the day off, giving you a three day weekend. The only time you get a Tuesday off is when Christmas just happens to fall on that day. Otherwise, nothing. 

No, Mondays are not your problem. 
Tuesdays are.
Why in the world would you follow the lead of a corpulent cat who has no business trying to brush his teeth anyway?

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