A glimpse into the substance of our style

 A lot is made of the clothing we wear, and with good reason; we consider ourselves stylish gents. What most people don't realize is that our clothing serves very specific purposes. Often, that purpose is disguise, in an effort to blend in with the surrounding elements. Sometimes, we choose to stand out in a crowd instead (hello, ladies). But no matter what, our outfits have to be able to handle intense physical action, be it in hand-to-hand combat with villians or otherwise (again, hello ladies). For example, our jeans...

These jeans have been designed to handle martial arts combat, specifically Unbelieva-Fu, a discipline we ourselves developed. The three key components of Unbelieva-Fu are 1) Fiendishly clever deception 2) Intense power kicking and 3) Aiming for the groin. There are well over 18,000 individual manuevers within the discipline of Unbelieva-Fu, but almost all of them are rooted in the basic "Hey, your shoe is untied" attack. The picture above shows Michael and Jeff demonstrating the technique. As you can see, from the photo of Jeff pensively relaxing in the foreground, he was perfectly fine afterward. That's because the special cut of these jeans not only allows us maximum range of movement, but also utilizes kevlar micro-fiber reinforced DiamondCrotch® technology for maximum protection as well. Coincidentally, I am not seen here because it was my turn that day to teach our women's self defense class, Unbelieva-BackOffMister, to the employees at a nearby Hooter's, as seen here ...


Unbelieva-BackOffMister brings the principles of
Unbelieva-Fu to eye level by adding a degree of fabulousness.
Ask about classes at your local Y!

  You might be wondering why we'd resort to selling these incredible jeans, being something that tacky is generally beneath us and we certainly don't need the money. The truth is it wasn't by choice; our hand was forced when a former intern (who had previously been let go for being, shall we say, testicularly-challenged when it came to the more rugged and dangerous aspects of what we do) stole the idea and tried to make a profit from it.

Any time we've entered the marketplace, it was reluctantly and solely for the purpose
 of protectintg the integrity of our brand from shoddy knock-offs from little girls like this.