Friday, April 5, 2013

Owl be darned

The three most powerful sources of motivation when it comes to committing outlandish spectacles of criminal activity are sex, money and revenge. When the perpetrator has plenty of the first two, all that's left is vengeance. That's why nobody should be surprised that the twisted mastermind behind these horrible "bird people" is this guy...
What? Harmless romance novel cover boy and vegetable-oil-fortified-with-synthetic-carotene pitchman Fabio?!? Yes, Fabio.
Before you gasp in shock (Too late? Sorry) consider the following classic villain traits that have been in your face this whole time:
  • Long hair
  • Indistinctly generic European accent
  • Owns an island (presumably)
Kind of obvious, when you look at it. But against whom was Fabio seeking revenge? All of birdkind, basically. Let me draw your memory back to a lovely spring day at Busch Gardens in Williamsburg, Virginia, back in 1999...

"Laugh now, wench. Vengeance shall be mine!"
From that day forward, Fabio... changed. Many a beautiful young lass was lured by false pretense to enter his secret laboratory (or "Labio"; his description, not ours) only to emerge looking like this...

We couldn't let this stand, so we donned extremely clever disguises...
Check out our sweet abs!

... and without giving away any secrets, we went in and shut the operation down (hint: we beat his ass), which made Owl Girl very happy.
Another case successfully closed by... The Unbelievables! CAW!

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