Righting Wrongs ... Everywhere. Even Little Ones

Look! A pussy cat!

I was out on assignment last week. 

Clark - ever the assistive gent he is - stepped in with some sharp cover that not only entertained you folks but kept my whereabouts secretive. (And oh ... that Clark! He's such a card!) You'll find out what I was up to in a couple weeks when I've concluded my investigations; I'm not quite finished with some of the details yet. All will be revealed soon. Patience, good citizens!

I can tell you this much, however. My exploits led me up and down the third largest state of the union (California ... hello!) in a quest of urgency and a bit of intrigue. Along the way, the smallest of adventures happened where it was evident I was at the right place and at the right time, so I can at least reveal that to you ...

As an Unbelievable, you might not realize there's more to fighting crime than one would think. It's not always the often present << crash! boom! bang! >> action and adventure 24/7. Sometimes it's the little things that make up one's ordinary day that need "righting" along the way.

I was at a bus station in San Francisco recently, waiting for a midnight coach headed back to Los Angeles, minding my own business. Of a sudden an elderly black gentleman in mis-matched clothes came shuffling along trailing a small cart behind him. He was homeless and - as it turned out - in need of a little company. Company that I, obviously, was able to provide to him.

Quite possibly the bus station terminal
where my "little adventure" took place

"How you doin'?" he asked me as he came to a stop on his journey past the bus station. He was dressed rather nattily for a bum, mid-60s with a white beard and a keen, vibrant look in his eye.

"I'm doing fantastic," I responded. "Just holding tight for my bus ..."

"Oh? Where you headed, young man?" he inquired.

"Back to Los Angeles."

"Los Angeles? I came from Los Angeles. I liked it there before I ended up here. One day I'm gonna have to go back."

I was curious. "So ... why are you here and not in L.A.?"

"Oh ... I kind of got stuck. I arrived one day and promptly lost my wallet. It had all my stuff in it: cash, cards, ID ... everything. I've been looking for it ever since."

"How long have you been looking?"

"For the last eight months or so. I just kind of stuck around, been scopin' out the lay of the land, you know?"

"Huh. Is that a fact."

"You wouldn'ta happened to have seen my wallet now, would you?" he asked me seriously.

"No, I have not. But is there anything I can do for you to help you out?"

"Nah. I'm cool. I like it here. I don't need much. I've got my box of recyclables here I collect that get me a few bucks (he pointed to the wheeled cart that trailed him) and I'm good. A sammich every once in a while, money to shack up at some flop house with a warm blanket and it's all good."

"Well I'm happy to hear that, good sir," I confided in him. "As long as you're getting along just fine, all's right with the world."

"You know ... it really is. I don't really need my wallet anyway. It jus' got me into trouble every time I took it out my back pocket, so I don't really miss it. I'm 65 years old and happy-go-lucky. Everything I need I got right here and I'm a happy camper. Nuthin' else I really need ..."

He stopped and put his hand to his chin and looked skyward, considering his next words for a moment. It was a rather pregnant pause and I could tell what was next to come out his mouth could quite possibly be profound and telling. 

"Well, truth be told, every once in a while I like to get a little "kitty cat"* if you know what I mean. Not too often, mind you, because it's got to be special. No use abusin' it and gettin' some every day. Just as long as I get it here and there as the need strikes me."

I couldn't help but smile at his derogatory epithet. He was pleased with the use of the term, but spoke the thought fondly. I could tell he was genuinely appreciative in a way you knew he was telling the truth; he wasn't trying to pull the wool over my eyes - he made the statement absolutely and without a hint of sarcasm, out and out honest admission. You know how refreshing something like that is in this day and age of shenanigans? No pulled punches ... no political correctness. Just the truth, Ruth.

"I hear you," I replied in acknowledgment "and I can tell you're a connoisseur of ladydom, an admirer of the fairer form. After all: Hello, Ladies!"

"Damn straight. Always the gentleman! That's me! And hello ladies, indeed!" He smiled a big toothy smile. "Well, young man, I have to go. My destination awaits. But it's been a pleasure talking to you."

"As it has you, sir. But before you go, I have something for you ..." I reached in my pack hanging off my shoulder and pulled out one of two recently purchased apples, a bag of chips and a Coke. "Will you take these in payment for keeping me company this evening?"

"Absolutely. Never look a gift horse in the mouth! Hit me ... and thank you!" He reached out for the comestibles. I stuck my hand out afterward and gave him a warm handshake and he was on his way.

As I watched him head off, he looked back over his shoulder after a few steps, waved and called out:

"And don't you worry about that wallet of mine. Damn thing never did me any good!"

* As I'm sure you've surmised, the words "kitty" and "cat" used above in conjunction with each other weren't the ones necessarily voiced by my new-found friend.

Flight of the Conchords - What does that even mean?

Yes, Jeff is correct; Bret and Jermaine are field operatives. But it doesn't matter how much critical acclaim and popularity your satirical folk music combo receives, when it comes to The Unbelievables, you've got to earn your way into the ranks by starting at the very bottom. And that means that once upon a time, they were interns.



Picking up snacks for that case that required us to stake out Medieval Times.
Good work, boys.

 While serving in that capacity, Bret and Jermaine apparently became enamored with some of the code language we have to use during missions. Let us not forget, we're involved in some very serious business here. It's a world of ever-present threat to life and limb in the form of guns, knives, swords, bombs and martial arts, where your first mistake will in all likelihood be your last. With that in mind, we developed a code language so we can communicate in the heat of battle without giving away tactical info to our enemies. I can't stress this enough; if we're not absolutely perfect, people die! This is serious stuff!

This is a fairly common occurrence in our world.

Anyway, without giving away too much, "flight" is the code word for "quickly obtain" and "conchord" is the code word for "high-quality champagne". So "Flight of the Conchords" would basically be "hurry up and go get us some champagne, the good stuff; not that carbonated toilet wine you chuckleheads brought back last time". I guess Bret and Jermaine must have heard that phrase once or twice (or twenty-seven times) and took a fancy to it. We're honored but let's hope this doesn't become a trend. We simply can't have the real meaning of "Hoobastank" getting out.

Michael Is A Missing In Action (M.I.A.M.I.A)

HELP!

Unbelievables agent Michael Noble is missing! He was supposed to check in this morning but has failed to do so. Through years of experience as master detectives, we have narrowed down the possible scenarios to three reasonable conclusions:

• He is in grave danger
• He is not in grave danger
• Something else

Our investigation will focus on those three things. In the meantime, you can help us by keeping an eye out. Places he may go (presuming he is not in danger) include the following:

• Nude volleyball games
• Semi-nude volleyball games
• Nude tetherball games
• Nude lacrosse games
• Nude spelunking
• Nude sports car driving

Basically, let us know if you see any nude dudes.

Better (MUCH better) let us know if you see any nude ladies. Go ahead and use the hot line if that happens. Jeff and I will respond immediately to those calls.

(No biggie, Michael will turn up; he always does)

Thank you for your cooperation, citizens.

It's Called A Flight, 'Cause It Takes You Up To Heaven

As you may or may not be aware (I don't know why you wouldn't) we Unbelievables are big music fans, but I betcha didn't know that some our favourite musicians are in fact undercover operatives working for us. Oh you did know that? Well, whatever... it's my story to tell, and I'm-a tellin'.

There are a couple of wonderful friends of ours that go by the everyday monickers of Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement, otherwise known to most of the HBO-watching world as The Flight Of The Conchords. These two plucky Kiwis are not only skilled musicians and funny comedians, but they are big Unbelievables fans - so much so, in fact, that they have written not one but two songs inspired by the times they have spent hanging out with us stylish gentlemen at our Unbelieva-base. Just to refresh your collective memories, here they are:






I'm sure you can see where our influence has rubbed off on these two classy characters. Snappy dressers and facial hair heroes, the Conchords liked us so much they ended up learning the basics of Unbelieva-Zen from us, hosting their own Unbelievinars™ and mastering disguise. Let's see what they can do...

Corners up...

or corners down? Such a tough decision.

Jemaine went undercover on the set of Men In Black III in order to help Will Smith come to his next bi-monthly Unbelievinar™. With Will it's like AA - he keeps falling off the wagon and doing something idiotic, like letting his children sing and act.

 Bret, however, went a different route. Not only does Bret rock the facial hair...

but being a Kiwi, it was easy for him to get a non-speaking part in fellow New Zealander Peter Jackson's Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring...

but what Jackson hadn't counted on was the fact that with or without facial hair, Bret is just so goshdarn attractive to the ladies (Hello, ladies!) that they (the ladies, that is) assigned him a name anyway - Figwit (stands for "Frodo is great... who is THAT!?") and so when he reprised his role in The Return Of The King, he appeared as Figwit in the credits. But what was he doing in the movie anyway? Sending us daily reports, that's what. Several cast members had been giving us trouble, not least Orlando Bloom, whom we had been concerned about ever since that stinker Elizabethtown. (Don't worry ladies - Orlando's almost back to normal now, although he still displays worrying tendencies towards wig-wearing and guy-kissing.)

Bret also worked with The Muppets,

largely to figure out why Jason Segel always looks like a guy who has just returned from chucking up his dinner in the restaurant's bathroom.

"Sorry, excuse me, I.. blooargh!"

In the process of checking up on Mr. Segel (who, as it turns out, just looks that way naturally), Bret utilised his songwriting talent to score himself an Oscar for best original song.




So you see, the Flight Of The Conchords are not only good friends and fans of The Unbelievables, but a valuable resource in our ever-expanding global coolness arsenal.

I'll let Michael and Clark enlarge upon the exploits by explaining how they were able to defeat - well, I don't want to say too much...

Thank You, Unbelievinar™

Really, we could go on and on and on and on about our successes with celebrity boneheads who - for one reason or another - don't think before they act and commit public buffoonery that ends up irreparably damaging their careers. 

Celebrity-ism is a slippery slope and there are few who can handle it.  And handle it well. But thanks to our patented Unbelievinar™ there's hope for the "hiccup" in some of our favorite tabloid targets' careers.

  "The Unbelievables made sure I don't 'Oops!' and do it again ..."

Britney Spears: Wow. What a mess. Remember the dingy behavior, the head shave debacle and all the rest? Yeah ... that was bad. A real mess.  But, thanks to our patented Unbelievinar™, Brit Brit got right as rain in a relatively short amount of time. She was able to stand up and fly right. Hey ... civilized world? You're welcome.

 "Because of Unbelievinar™ I'm 'PG-13' and loving it ..."

Pee-Wee Herman: McWowZah. How 'bout Paul Reuben's "X marks the spot" fiasco? You know the one I'm talking about, the one with with the "monkey business" ... or should I be a little clearer on the matter of "the monkey" ... ??? (No ... I don't believe I need to be. You catch my meaning loud and clear.) Welp, he's back on the Freedom Train thanks to, yep, the nifty and completely safe and sane Unbelievinar™. Tequila!

"My life is no longer a 'spaghetti incident' thanks to the Unbelievinar™ 

and those rockin' Unbelievables!"

Axl Rose:  Zoinks! Talk about your basket case. Despite our best efforts, Axl hasn't recovered completely. No amount of concentrated Unbelievinar™ could work its magic to fully cure the volatile Mr. Rose. But we continue our efforts with him. Currently Axl participates in a special monthly Unbelievinar™ series where he's a regular participant (along with several other unmentionable and high-profile clients). And we're happy to report he's making wonderful progress. But there's still a lot of work to do.

 "Those Unbelievinars™ single-handedly turned my career iron. I mean ... golden!

Thanks, Unbelievables!"

Robert Downey Jr.: One of our most successful cases and arguably the biggest feather in our crown is RDJ his own bad self. This was a downward spiral no one wanted to take on. But The Unbelievables, stylish gents that we are, were ready to get down and get back up again in order to pull Bob out of his hole. The results (The Avengers, the Iron Man series, The Soloist, Sherlock Holmes, Tropic Thunder, etc.) speak for themselves. You're welcome. You can thank us in other ways. ("Hello, Ladies!")

What's that you say? "Guys ... really.  Those may be some pretty impressive results due to your patented Unbelievinar™ and that's all well and fine, but ... do you have any cultural, possibly historical examples we can marvel at?"

You betcher bippy, Bubba.  While there are some we simply cannot mention, one will definitely make you sit up straighter in your chair. 

Ready? Here goes:

Yep. Believe it. Charlie Chaplin, The Little Tramp himself. The Unbelievables - along with our trademarked Unbelievinar™ - are responsible for the shocking turnabout of Mr. Chaplin's reputation. His spurnment about the war effort during World War I where his loyalty to England was questioned. The damaging controversy regarding fascist propaganda in making light of Hitler in the '40s. The debacle where his House-Un-Activity Council subpoena was involved and his political and moral views were brought to light. And there's more. But ... international community?  As with our final words on Britney Spears above, you're welcome once more.

Did anyone know The Unbelievables were behind these stunning, glowing recoveries? No. Why? Because we're selfless and giving. It's our way. We don't need the praise or the back slaps or the handshakes ... not where these folks are concerned. We're content in our stylish gentlemanships. 

But now the truth is out. You now know The Unbelievables have been instrumental in some of the most celebrated comebacks in the public eye. 

The proof is in the pudding ... courtesy of Unbelievinar™.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~

P. S. Giving as we are, open invitations are still outstanding to the likes of former American Idol host Brian Dunkelman, current Splash co-host Joey Lawrence, money-lending hawker Montel Williams, mega-mogul Donald Trump (goes without saying) and still-in-need-of-a-big-'ole-makeover Margaret Thatcher*.

P.P.S  Ozzy Osbourne?  Give us a jingle, mate.

P.P.P.S.  Oprah Winfrey?  Don't give us a jingle.  An Unbelievinar™ can only go so far ... you know?

Breaking News! Britney will be releasing "Ohh La, La" for Columbia Pictures for The Smurfs 2, the sequel to 2011's The Smurfs starring Neil Patrick Harris. Apparently, The Unbelievables still have some work to do on Brit Brit.

* What? We missed out on Mags? McWhoops! Silly us! We can't catch'em all, you know! We're stylish and unbelievable ... but if our invitations aren't acted upon when we extend our hand of generosity, there's only so much we can do. You have to want the change ... we can't force it on you.

Have No Fear, Unbelievinars™ Are Here

So many careers have been ruined or at least slowed to a crawl due to an offhand remark, a single instance of poor or shoddy work, or, in the case of Hollywood actors especially, a photo without make-up. This is where we Unbelievables are ready to step in at a moment's notice with one of our patented Unbelievinars™.
In these we teach notables of every ilk how to avoid the many common pitfalls of fame. Of course, we have a vast network of celebrities out there in famous-land who are in fact undercover operatives and informants, ready to let us know at a moment's behest what's goin' down in Chinatown.But did you also know that these same household-name moles and well-known supergrasses are also ready to tell us whether a celeb is at risk of making a public gaffe or career-stalling decision such as those outlined on Monday. This is when we step in and conduct an Unbelievinar™ with the person or persons in question.

So... what sort of things do we teach these folks?

Well, here is an example.

One of the mimeographed sheets from an Unbelievinar™.

So who have we helped? There is of course a lot of secrecy surrounding the celebrity Unbelieva-Network, so I am only able to mention those folks who have sadly passed on, or who aren't really that famous anymore.

Tiny Tim had a glittering career up until 1996, when he ignored our advice in which we declared the importance of NOT dying on stage. To be fair, he didn't actually die on stage, but he had a heart attack from which he never recovered, which is almost the same thing.

Oops.

Pat Hingle was on the fence about working with that massive tool Michael Keaton in the 1989 film Batman. We told him straight "Pat, if you turn down the role of Commissioner Gordon  it'll be career suicide. Don't make a public twit of yourself, take the role, suck it up and cash in, buddy."

"I cashed in. Thanks, Unbelievinars™!"

Peter Falk very nearly blew his stack at a prying paparazzo and was one step away from decking him with a well-aimed glass eye. The reason you never heard about this story is because at the last second he referred to his Unbelieva-Zen, took a step back, regulated his breathing, stepped forward again, snapped the guy's neck in one swift movement and buried the body in the Arizona desert. After all, he figured the guy was a minute speck on a sea of scum - who's gonna miss him? You know what - nobody has yet.

Thanks, Unbelievinars™!

Dennis Hopper was brought to us when we were alerted by one of our vast network of insiders that he was worried that he might be about to commit celeb hara-kiri by accepting a role in the Super Mario Bros. film. We reassured him, however. "You're Dennis F***ing Hopper, man. You don't need to worry. Anything you touch is cool by definition!"

Yes, the film was a stinker by anyone's standards. But Hopper made it cool, because he was and is still cool. Ah, if only one could say the same for Fisher Stevens and Samantha Mathis.

Thanks, you f***ers, for Unbelievinars™!

Michael Gough, famous for playing Alfred in the first four Batman pictures, was also infamous for playing pranks on other actors, and almost put his butlerly foot in it when he set up the old paint-can-on-top-of-the-door trick with the intent of nobbling Tim Burton, the film's director. Luckily we were nearby and were able to dismantle the apparatus before anyone got sploshed. We hastily booked him in for a session.

Thank you very much indeed, Unbelievinars™!

I'll leave it to fellow Unbelieva-Instructor Michael to continue the accounts of our involvement in defusing celebrity hot pickles. Or something.

Catch you on the flipside.

This is beginning to look like a case for The Unbelievables

What are The Unbelievables good at? Well, yeah, everything. Sure. But what specialty niche do we really fill? That's right; dealing with celebrities while remaining resplendently stylish. Well, it would appear that a new trend is emerging and it's something in which we should get involved sooner than later.

"Yeah, Sir Paul and Stevie can basically suck it."

First, we had the possibly-well-intentioned-but-utterly-graceless release of the Brad Paisley and LL Cool J song "Accidental Racist". Admittedly, we could have done something about that before it happened, but we weren't really paying attention when it first came out and thought the song was called "Racing Accident" and assumed that it was about NASCAR. Sorry about that. That one's on us.

"Yo, I might write a song about Anne Frank's attic; you wouldn't know if she was damn asthmatic, would you?"

Then this weekend, the unfortunately all-too-alive Justin Bieber made a pilgrimage to the Anne Frank house in Amsterdam, where he inscribed the museum's guestbook with this dope freestyle: "Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber."

The point is, that even though the culturally ham-handed exploits of these goofs do bring us all closer together to cringe as one, it would probably be better for everyone concerned if things didn't get that far in the first place *.

Yep, it looks like it's time to host one of our patented Unbelievinars, this one on cultural sensitivity. We've done these in the past on "as necessary" basis and it would seem that this situation qualifies. I won't spend more time detailing exactly what topics we've covered in the past or any of our exact, unique methods. I'll let Jeff and Michael fill you in. Suffice to say, if we can pull this off, it won't be the first time we've saved celebrities from themselves.

* Because it's really difficult to write jokes when people do dumber things than we can make up.

UnbelievAlert: Where's Jeff ... ???

The darlings of critics everywhere and an influence to countless bands worldwide, XTC officially disbanded in 2005 with almost 30 years of musical excellence beneath their belts.

Over the course of their career, The Unbelievables (and especially Michael) have been huge fans of the band ... particularly so in the guise of their psychedelic alter-egos The Dukes Of Stratosphear. (The Dukes' music was required stuff while "conducting business" at our respective Unbelieva-Pads.)

However, Jeff takes his love of the band just a bit further by emulating its leader, Andy Partridge. The composite photo above leaves no room for doubt about that fact. It's not only uncanny how much he looks like Andy, but in how much he apes his mannerisms as well. 

So ... where's Jeff now? On one of his clandestine XTC jaunts in an attempt to see what might be done to spur the members of the band back on board the production train. (The Unbelievables need a little fun in between fighting crime and looking fabulous, you know. This little quirk just happens to be Jeff's release. And the possibility of XTC being put back in the spotlight is a commendable one in our book.)

Stay tuned, Chalkhills and Children aficionados ... let's see how far Jeff gets ...

Back In The Day with Jeff - Or, Jeff's Evolution of (Crime-Fighting) Style

Being the only Unbelievable born and raised in a different country (the great UK), my early experiences were somewhat different to that of my fellow crime-fighters. But, even at an early age, I had an innate sense that I was somewhat special. It may have been that the toys were different ("Action Man" instead of "GI Joe"), the shoes were different (Clarks instead of Keds), the clothes, the atmosphere... whatever you want to call it, it was clear I had a gift. A calling, if you will. One that I was to share with fellow camp-mate when we were 14-year-olds at Camp Action!, and later to share with Clark as we were fledgling Unbelievables. Even later, to share with the world (and especially the ladies) as we championed the cause of justice and freedom throughout the cosmiverse.

Michael and Clark have already shown you some early snaps of themselves and kinfolk at this tender and impressionable stage of their lives. Now it falls to me to continue the trend and fish out some photos of the young Jeff. Here goes... it could get messy.

Back in the day it was considered OK to put your son in something resembling a dress, sit them on top of the sideboard and see what happens. Clearly I was unfazed by it all and just smiled as if to say, "Ha! I laugh in the face of potential falls and other safety hazards!"

My first major coup - winning the local Bonny Baby contest. Those other guys never stood a chance.

Not only was I extremely fashionable from a young age, my family were too. Here I am pictured with Mum aka The Mole, Sis aka Lefty, Nan aka The Fixer, and family matriarch Gran, otherwise known as "G".

Lefty and I on one of our early undercover assignments as wedding guests in the case of  "Bride and Groom Kaboom".

On the same assignment, "G" passing on some information about some dodgy-looking potato salad.

Lefty and I hosted a masterclass called How To Tell A Real Cake From A Bomb Cake.

As the years passed, it became obvious that I was a stylish gent in the making.

Me with Big L and The Cook (aka Nan and Grandad). I learned a lot about style from these two.

If there is one thing the ladies love, it's a skinny teen in a fishnet t-shirt.

My prized antique linen weskit helps me to blend in with the background seamlessly.

One of the things we Unbelievables are noted for is our mastery of disguise. We all bring different aspects of this skill to the table which enables us to help each other out when selecting the perfect get-up. For my part I am able to use skills that were taught to me by my Grandfather, Big L. Not only was he able to impart knowledge of crimefighting skills...

Here we are selecting the perfect desk accessory to be turned into a weapon in our arsenal of gadgets. The lady in the background was trying to listen in, but before she could blab anything to anyone she developed a severe headache and had to have a couple of ibuprofen and a lie down, after which she forgot all about it.

...he was a true chameleon and claimed to have studied the techniques of actor Lon Chaney in perfecting his craft. For example:

This recently declassified photo shows Big L  in deep cover as Musky LaPointe,  French-Apache fur trader and mountain man.

Here are a few pictures of myself in deep cover...

As Kenny Bonsoir, chubby Rik Mayall and unicorn impersonator, on  The Case Of The Disappearing Chicken Tikka Masala.

In the pillory disguised as a tourist.

With Lefty, disguised as Marco Pontoon, real-estate magnate and fishing buff. This case was called Shape Up Or Ship Out.

You can see here where Big L's influence was rubbing off  on me. This character is called  Keen-Eyes McTraction, sharpshooter extraordinaire. I was undercover at a Wild West theme park, where someone had been stealin' all the popcorn for nefarious purposes.

Rockin' and rollin' as Skins Wolstenholme, ace drummer for Bullfrog and The Toads.  The case was called  Over And (Far) Out.

Blending in seamlessly again with some nice Slovakian ladies (Hello, ladies!)

Again, as an overweight chubby guy in a shop trying on terribly overpriced hats.  The case? Fur Too Expensive.

Glasses can simply change one's appearance beyond recognition, can't they? Yes, believe it or not, this is me.

Here I am as Oberon in our Unbelievable production of The Tempest.

Not in disguise, but learning all about the art of the bow tie with The Mole.

With each passing year I have learned more and more about the things it takes to be an Unbelievable. We, all three of us, have a motto: A day without learning is a day wasted. I can certainly vouch for that: every day brings a new skill or new style tip, each equally valuable. And that, folks, is why I shall remain...

A truly stylish gent.

My Unbelievable trip down Memory Lane

As an orphan, I don't have as many old family photos to share as Michael does. Both my parents were killed in the line of duty as agents of some shadowy organization (I know very little about it other than the fact that every year on my birthday, I would receive a cake from a delivery-person who would later explode) and my formative years were spent at St. Edmund the Martyr's School For Boys Who Will Grow Up To Be Crime Fighting Vigalantes. It was a relatively stark existence, with not a lot of priority placed on the warm and fuzzy. Still, I managed to retain a few things...


There's dear ol' dad as I remember him. "Buy American!", he'd say.



Oh, how mother enjoyed walking in the woods behind our house!

Nothing like taking the boat out to the lake for a weekend of relaxing family fun!

It was Thomas Wolfe who said, "You can't go home again".
I don't know if he was talking about my
house specifically, but either way, he was correct.

Other than that, I only have one childhood photo of Yours Truly...

"Honk, honk!"

This was my very first case, that time I went deep under cover and in disguise as Cincinnati Reds all-star Pete Rose to rescue the kidnapped infant child of Harpo Marx.
Sorry I don't have more to share. I'm sure Jeff will more than make up for that though.