(Klumpmaster) Flashes In The Pan

How?

How could I have fallen so hard for the wiles of the Klumpmasterflash Twins?

Because the fact of the matter is that I did. (That Jeff ... he *had* to bring them up ...)

It's not like I turn my head at every Bombshell, Nicolette and Mary who walks past. ("Hello, Ladies!") But ... The Klumpmasterflash Twins were something special. Interesting. Exciting. Intriguing. And damned dangerous.

I mean ... look at those do's and tell me you aren't affected by their attractiveness? After all, The Unbelievables - stylish gents that we are - have an eye for the couture, you know.

Greta and Gerta tripped my trigger something fierce, though. As a young lad, I was taken by their devil-may-care style and forceful wills ... and there were two of them! More to mingle with ... !!! Yet they were instrumental in molding me into the Unbelievable I am today ... all because of their overpowering devious natures.

In those heady days of youth, you have the tendency sometimes to make grave mistakes, poor decisions, unwise turns in life's forks in the road. And I almost went down a path leading straight into Klumpmasterflash Batongaville.

Want all the sordid details? Tune in tomorrow. It turns out there are a few confidential files regarding The Twins which need to be declassified properly prior to being revealed here ...

Childhood Memories

Memorieeeees...light the corners of mah mahhhhhhhhnnnnddd...

Oh, hi folks. Jeff here. As Clark so rightly said on Monday, we do have fond memories of childhood. For example, the first time I met Marissa...

Wow. I had forgotten how much she used to look like a goofy Natalie Portman. But she clearly dug my style.

And the first time I met Michael...

Debonair fellow even then.

I remember also the first 'official' photo session.

Double knee denims were our idea, by the way, folks. Essential for when you're hiding in a crouched position for hours on end. Comfort is paramount.

I even remember an early case. We met a pair of beguiling twins, Greta and Gerta Klumpmasterflash.

They looked a lot younger than they actually were. This was Junior High.

Greta and Gerta were sweet and funny and charming, and Michael, Clark and I almost came to blows over who was going to take which one to the sock hop and which one of us fellas was going to end up as the gooseberry.
Sadly, what we did not realise right off the bat was the fact that the Klumpmasterflash Twins were evil. Pure evil. One day, we showed up and there they were, in full 'evil twin' garb.

Bad. Ass.

That didn't stop us from wanting to date them, though. Those gals was purty. But they were up to no good. They had bad news written on them like a Washington Post headline. We hadn't realised that the whole time we'd been chasing them, wooing them and generally being goofy teenage boys about them, they'd been studying our every move, finding out about all our secrets and using this info to gain favor with our early nemesis Henri Petit, that little brat!

Lil' devil.

Well, we are pretty sharp, you know, and Petit isn't, so as soon as he started making cardinal errors such as bragging to us about all the dirt he had on us, we made the connection and ditched the ladies. Actually, what Petit said to us was the childish "I know something you don't know!" which was a stupid thing to say. We knew all the stuff he knew. It was about us! Doyyy!

Nope, when it comes to the ladies, we were better off stickin' with our best gals - like Laura here.

Laura had skills. Laura could LEVITATE.

Les Unbeliev-enfants

Hi there. I'm back and can reveal my whereabouts last week: I was saving The Royal Baby. That's right, freshly minted Prince George got kidnapped briefly for a day or two shortly after getting born. What's that? You didn't hear about it? Why, thank you! I can't give away all the details (some aspects of the case are still classified) but it was a pretty quick and easy operation. You might think Jeff would be the one called to handle a situation with The Royal Family... which is precisely why I took care of it. The element of surprise. Crooks would have seen Jeff coming a kilometer away.

The most difficult disguise I've ever attempted

Upon the successful completion, William and Kate were so thrilled that they wanted to name the baby after me. I blushed and said, "That isn't necessary. I was just doing my job. But since you're The Royal Family, why don't you name him after the greatest player in Kansas City Royals history?" William said, "You...think we should name our son, the eventual heir to the throne, Prince Willie Wilson?" I replied, "What? No! Of course not!" Kate piped up, "Prince Amos Otis?" Man, British people really don't know their baseball history. I said, "Never mind. Just name him after the fourth most popular Beatle then."

No respect.

Cases involving children take on a special meaning for us. Probably because, and not many people know this either, we started out as kids ourselves. Here's a picture from one of our earliest cases together...

Sometimes, one or more of us is black. Don't let it throw you.

If I had to guess, I would say this was taken just after the successful completion of "Operation: Sneak out of school and go to the zoo to watch the monkeys do it". That case literally changed Michael's life.

Speaking of Michael, he and Jeff undoubtedly have fond childhood memories of their own. I''m sure they'll be thrilled to share them with you!

The Unbelievables Are Everywhere ... !!!

Wow! 

Forget Clark's buffet jaunts and proclivities!

Check out this little known, in-the-works portrait Bob Ross of television's The Joy Of Painting was working onduring one of his broadcasts ... !!!

Public TV advertising for The Unbelievables!

Again: Wow ... !!!

Clark's Missing!

This week, folks, Clark is out of town. AWOL. Gone troppo. He's missing. Well, not exactly missing as such. Michael and myself know where he is. Roughly. He's out of town hosting a couple Unbelievinars™.

NB: Not an Unbelievinar™.

But Clark has a very special reason for hosting Unbelievinars™. He loves the buffet.

And who can blame the man? Practically free food you can go and help yourself to time and time again? Why the heck not?

But our Clark is somewhat of a connoisseur of buffets, and we can reveal that his Unbelievinar™-hosting mission is a mere cover for his secret hobby: buffet-spotting. Yes, some people are planespotters, some are trainspotters, and Clark is a buffetspotter. Some of his favourites are shown here in pages from his buffetspotting scrapbook.

Hello, ladies!

I said helllo, ladies!

Who knows what delights he will sample on his culinary adventures? What pictures will he bring back? What will he cross off his list of "Buffet Foods I Have Wolfed Down"? Will it be...

Veal Burgundy?

Louisiana Hot Pot?

Or Sausage Meat Tree?

Join us on Wednesday for more. Till then - ciao, babies.

Diversionary tactics

Michael isn't even in this photo... or is he?

Ho ho! Well played, Michael!

Now that he's told you all that he's going to be in San Diego, attending comic-con, can you guess exactly where he isn't going to be? If you said "in San Diego, attending comic-con", congratulations! You're starting to think like an Unbelievable and less like some dumb dope criminal.

"Duh, why do I always get caught?"

See, much like magic, the key element to going deep undercover is deception. Also, subterfuge, deceit, deception, delusion, equivocating, guile and fibbing. Those are all basically one thing.

So now that Michael has told you he is in San Diego and I've just told you that he is not and also that we are good at lying, where is he really?

Exactly.

(Truth is, we honestly don't know, which means he's doing it right. Although, wherever he is, we figure he's probably naked)

(Possible) Undercover Operations

Funny.

It doesn't look like I'm undercover in any of these photos. Duh. 

You think I can reveal what particular beard/hairstyle and couture I'll be sporting for the coming days while at Comic-Con in San Diego?

Heck no! What are you ... GOOFY ... ?!??!? 

There has to be decorum ... secrecy ... backdoor doings ... and intrigue. 

If operations are successful, I might be able to get files declassified immediately in order to download information that you might find ... interesting.

In the meantime, you know where I'm at - with a bunch of geeks, freaks and weirdos invading the streets of San Diego ...