Friday, December 12, 2014

Submission And Irony

Fact: We may have been looking at this entire situation as a major slight to our characters. "The Unreliables" - that short-lived BBC production - was a farce from the very beginning. Farces have a way of attraction Hollywood attention, however. As Clark detailed, why anyone would want the property for the big screen treatment is beyond us, but it moved in that direction and forward.

Fact: We realized quickly going in as "consultants" we had little (if any) say in things like story progression, character development, set location or production input. To say we were frustrated was and understatement.

Then? An epiphany ...

The three of us powwowwed one day while on the production set as "invited casual observers."

"Guys, we're going about this entire thing the wrong way. Hear me out:

"The standards these clowns are setting are so left of center there's no possible way anyone - not even the densest movie-goer - could mistake what's being put down on film is indicative The Unbelievables. And I say we embrace it ..."

Jeff and Clark looked at each other with disapproving twisted faces, exchanged them and looked back at me.

"Look: We buddy up to everyone - the producers, the set people, wardrobe (yeah, I know ... that's a tough one) and anyone else on the crew - and happily put in our two cents ... even though we know our two cents is worth less than two cents. Result? Everybody on staff is happy thinking we're happy and << BOOM! >> we let the residuals come tumbling in.

"Think about it: How many of these throw-away romps have come and gone with zero legacy left in their wakes? None of this is going to prick us where it counts. As The Unbelievables, we're Teflon-coated where this joke of a film is aimed. That's why we need to seem engaged and happy about the entire affair and keep going merrily along. I mean ... there is an audience for this kind of thing."

The guys weren't convinced.

"Hokay ... look at it this way: Clark? You've been looking to take your dinosaur dioramas upscale to new levels, right? Think of the influx of *ka-ching* that will no doubt come in when this flick is finished! I know it seems like a major put-down to your character when they have 'Mark' saying lines like 'Sometimes my penis doesn't even work' but, hey, Jeff and I know your penis works just fine. (I mean ... so we've heard.)

"And Jeff? I know they nixed that entire whipped potato encounter and left it on the cutting room floor, replacing it with drivel about your inadequacies but every single Unbelieva-Babe knows better, right? Right? Am I right? Again ... think of the big picture here ...

"And how about my role in the thing? When have I ever encouraged anyone to where pants? That's so uncharacteristic of me it isn't even funny.

"Remember: We're The Unbelievables. They couldn't do us harm if they tried ..."

That little pep talk did the trick. From that point on, each of us were overly enthusiastic about anything the director and producers suggested.

And things went swimmingly. The film commenced and wrapped and is currently in the marketing stages.

We even threw a major after-party with food and drink and plenty of Unbelieva-Babes on hand as eye-candy. Everyone had a smashing time.

It was a pretty easy party to throw.
Here's a scene prior to The Unbelieva-Babes showing up.

In the end? Well ... you should see all the improvements and renovations to the Unbelieva-Base simply from the advance we've garnered from the film's higher-ups. Especially to our arsenal department ...

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