Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Does anybody really know what time it is?

Ahh, Temporal Al. An ongoing nightmare (or daymare, who can even be sure anymore?) for us and for all of civilized society. Who do you think is behind the fact that the last two minutes of a football game can last for over an hour? Who won't allow an extra minute or two for poor Jack Bauer to visit a restroom once in while? Who's really responsible for the health problems that result from having a four-hour erection? Temporal Al, of course. His antics have mucked things up so badly that many people are seriously stressed out about it.
"No, seriously, WHAT TIME IS IT?!?"
Of course, you've already figured out his greatest crime against humanity: Daylight Savings Time. Every year, he steals an hour from you on a Saturday night in the spring time. Sure, he eventually gives it back. But in the fall, which makes it dark and gloomy at 5:00PM. Gee, thanks a lot, Al.

His credo is "Time is money... except time is much better because even when you spend it, there's still more", which is his way of saying that he creates all this mayhem for fun, not profit. This makes him the worst kind of villain because it's almost impossible to deal with him reasonably.

Overall, we've had little success against him. However, we were able to thwart a partnership between him and the vile Henri Petit, a coupling which could have proved disastrous.
"Well hello, Unbelievajerks. Surprised to see me here? I notice you all admiring my new watch chain which is attached to my new pocket watch, a gift from my new partner Temporal Al. But it's more than a watch; it's an incredibly powerful weapon, making me more dangerous than ever! I won't bother trying to explain to you how it works. Suffice to say... your time is up!! Ha ha ha ha ha!"
We accomplished this by taking the watch away from him and holding it just high enough above his head that he couldn't jump up and reach it. Then when we got tired of that, we kicked him out of a window and threw his stupid toy watch in the garbage.
"It's not a toooooooooooooy..."
Temporal Al remains a problem for us to solve. Jeff will further update you all on Friday.

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