More Unobsessibles

We've got our eye on you, Unobsessibles

Clark hit the nail on the head about many of our foes. (Personally, I think they come from broken homes with bad childhood experiences ... but that's just a theory of mine.)

Still, you gotta watch out for some of these Bozo noses ...

Dander Puss

Oh ... he's innocent now. (I think it's a he. No judgment here.) But wait until whatever obsession he's exhibiting takes a turn for the worse. 

Can you imagine? Hairball hacking superpowers ... allergic reaction ray guns ... incessant mind control torture meowing ... rampant apathy. The list could go on and on ... and on.

Chanita Jones aka Furbelly

A couple miles over  from Dander Puss is this character. Put the two together and who knows what evil they could come up with as a team ...

Grandma Establishment

I see this piece of work doing much more than waving a cane above her head and yelling at kids to stay off her damned lawn. Don't you? (Note: Sorry for the graphicness of the above photo. Some of these wackos are blatant and uncultured.)

Natasha "Knows"

Gross. Just ... gross.
  

Melonhead

What a goofball.

Still, what could he be planning, if anything? The reintroduction of watermelon seeds to everyone's favorite summer fruit? (Scandalous!) Some sort of rind chicanery? (Unthinkable!) Melon ball panic mania? (What?!?) Who knows?

Tom Smith

(Better known as "LGBT-atarian")

What sinister dealings (or color schemes) this possible Obsessive might have lurking in the folds of his muumuu is anyone's guess. I shudder to think. *shudder*

But it's this next group we might really have to keep a closer than usual eye on. Because it's not the group itself but the brains behind the curtain, so to speak, that could drum up bad business ...

This is an example of an innocent little tyke dolled up in a Santa outfit. Cute as a button, isn't he? 

And that, right there, is the problem. Can you see the potential of this kid - or a bevy of them - being the center of attention while devious doings are afoot behind the scenes?

You betcher Bippy. Just imagine it: People's attentions distracted by all that lovablenness while crime is being committed not a stone's throw away. Despicable! Contemptible! And absolutely within the realm of possibility. The chaos and no-good-doer-y of this unnamed menace are limitless. And, with the Christmas season practically upon us, that's why we've got a bead on this viable threat.

Jeff might have a couple more we missed. Stay tuned for Friday's entry ...

The Unobsessibles

Having effectively dealt with Günther Parsifal McParshnipp (was there ever a doubt?), it occurred to me that an awful lot of our foes find themselves on the wrong side of the law due to their inability to effectively control their uncontrollable obsessions. McParshnipp with rooted vegetables. Mac Ramey with stringy fashion. Henri Petit with being a disgusting little urchin.

Yuck.

There's lots of people out there dangerously preoccupied with various things. Not all of them are criminals of course, but some of them are a mere gentle shove from becoming such. We monitor many of these folks for the sake of nipping potential problems in the bud, so to speak.

Such as...

LUDWIG VON DUCK

This guy wants to turn himself into a duck. Nothing wrong with that, I guess. Ducks are nice. He started out like this...

But recently has taken it to an extreme...

Yeah, this is worth keeping at least one eye on.

SHELLY BEENE

This is Shelly and she loves jelly beans. "Love them?", she queries. "Anybody can love them. Everybody SHOULD love them. They're amazing. They're incredible! They're the best thing on earth. In fact, they're the only good thing about this godforsaken world. I want them. All of them. I want every jelly bean there is!"

You're kidding, right Shelly?
"Huh? Oh (heh heh) yeah, just...you know... kidding."
Mmm-hmm. We're watching you, Shelly.

CAY and the KWALKERS

I can't say that we care for this kind of creepy capering about. "What's the problem", asks Cay on behalf of her little band of whatever-this-is doers. "Why, it's The Cakewalk! It's a prancing stage dance with a backward tilt. It's fun and good for your posture!" How is it good for your posture? You people look like human question marks. 10 minutes of this and anybody would be in lower lumbar agony. "Why, I never! How dare you imply that we're bitter about paying an exorbitant sum for the exsclusive rights to an antiquated form of dance that we hoped to turn into a retro fitness movement, but failed miserably, losing a fortune in the process!"

There are more just below the radar potential annoyance-providers that the fellas will tell you about later this week.

Beware The Double "D" Dames

"I'm sure Michael will let you know about some of our lesser-known evil-doers," Jeff said in Wednesday's post.

Fat chance of that.

Here ... let me show you why: 

"Oh, Jeff! Those are some delectable-looking whipped potatoes you have there! I completely forgot it was Tuesday!"

"I really like a man who poses next to his vintage Corvette! You're sassy and confident in equal measure, Clark!"

"Wow, Michael - I didn't know an ascot could be so attractive!

Do those exclamations sound like the machinations of lesser-known evil doers? Heck no! They're some of the most insidious commonalities we Unbelievables must shoulder day in and day out ... and gladly.

And you'd think, by the innocence of it all, there wouldn't be any underlying or ulterior motives. But let's be realistic: There are always underlying and ulterior motives when you're making small talk ... and especially small talk that comes off as throwaway. It's the most dangerous kind of small talk around.

That being said, there is no one group of Chatty Cathys more dangerous than Dx, D3 and DLish, Better Known as the Double "D" Dames. Their devious, daring and double-talking ways have often perplexed The Unbelievables at every turn, opening doors to chaos and monkey business with every turn of a phrase.

Want proof? 

"Jeff! I just love you!" Dx was caught saying to him at a chance encounter once. "You're so handsome! Much more handsome than Clark or Michael! You've always been my favorite!" 

"Clark! I just adore you!" exclaimed D3 to him during a gathering of the Annual "Spies and Good Guys" convention last year. "You're so handsome! Much more handsome than Michael or Jeff! You've always been my favorite!" 

"Michael! What wavy locks you have!" DLish was heard to say over a PA system while we were at a parade in our honor some time ago in Durham, North Carolina. "You're so handsome! By far you are my favorite Unbelievable! Jeff and Clark don't come close to having what you've got!" 

(You can see by far DLish is the one with the real chutzpah, as proof of her stating the above in clear earshot of Jeff and Clark.) 

Now ... put all this personal attention together and you can see how these web-weaving foxy mamas could inject devious shenanigans into their sugar-coated praises.

Of all the villains out there, all the wily, underhanded ne'er-do-wells wandering about near and far, these three just might be our greatest foes.

Jeff and Clark have documented and categorized more than a few of our lesser foes this week (seriously ... how can you not like Accordion Toting Dude ... ?!?), but the Double "D" Dames are more than a handful, not to be trifled with. 

Tune in next week to find out why ...