Friday, September 9, 2016

Life hack: It's gotta be the shoes!

It's hard to do anything if you're not comfortable, especially when it comes to your feet. That's why shoes are of utmost importance to The Unbelievables. Specifically, these shoes:
But the shoes have to fit the task at hand, don't they? Of course they do. Don't ever ask such a stupid question ever again in your whole life. I bet you think we all have huge shoe closets full of different kind of shoes for all the different things we do, don't you. Wow, you really are a stupid one, aren't you?
There are no dumb questions, just dumb you.
No, we're The Unbelievables. We don't have time to manage all kinds of closet spaces. We also don't have time to lug around umpteen pairs of shoes, based on what may or may not happen when we get where we're going. No, we each own one pair of shoes. These shoes:
But faster than you can say "What are those??", we can simply tap a button on the remote control unit we carry in our pants pocket and the shoes convert to this:
Or this:
Or this:
Or any number of footwear options.

"Wow", you're saying. "You have convertible shoes. How underwhelming." To which I reply, maybe you'd be best suited by keeping your big, dumb mouth shut at this point.
Much better!
You underestimate our shoes at your own peril. Because check out all the special features available in ANY configuration:

  1. Get Places Somewhere® locator system ("GPS" for short)
  2. Fax machine
  3. Emergency ration of beef jerky
  4. Laser
  5. USB port
  6. Back-up camera
  7. Retractable wheels
  8. Griddle cooking surface
  9. Machine gun
  10. Rape whistle
  11. Rope
  12. Retractable multi-blades

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