Monday, April 25, 2016

Potty Problems? We're not interested

There are lots of silly laws on the books. In Arkansas, law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise. In Minnesota, a person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head. In Utah, no one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call (otherwise, have at it, young lovers).
"Oh, turn on the siren! Yes, yes! Turn on the siren!"
Generally, we, The Unbelievables, don't get involved in enforcing laws like that or pursuing those who break them. Not because they're not valid ...surely, they make or made sense to someone at some point... but because outside of whatever common sense applied at the time, their stupidity far outweighs their validity. That's why we won't be putting our muscle behind HB2, or the "Bathroom Bill" or the "Nobody Look At Me While I Make Doody Law" in North Carolina. It's not that we'll refuse to offer our services in North Carolina like Bruce Springsteen, Ringo Starr and Blue Man Group (those are separate acts and not performing together, unfortunately).
"Me too! Kinda. Next year. Probably."
It's just that we're going to involve ourselves with actual crimes and credible threats, where innocent people might actually be at risk. We're not going to police who goes pee-pee where or otherwise oppress anybody's rights. At The Unbelievabase, we have lots of restrooms, none of which are labeled. It's because we entertain frequently and beverages are served and when people drink, well, you know. It just makes sense as hospitable hosts to provide facilities for everybody there. As it turns out, adults with a modicum of maturity and self-confidence are remarkably good at handling those circumstances.
Enough about that. Just wanted to let you know that in the highly unlikely case of your Uncle Enos in Ansonville suddenly deciding to put on a frock so he can hang out in outhouses with the hopes of catching an errant glimpse of some hoo-ha's, something he has never done before, we won't be placing the kind of priority on chasing him down as we would an international ring of diamond thieves.
"Don't disparage me. I'm not hurting anyone."

We'll leave that up to the local authorities.
"Well, wouldja looky there!"
"I told you she had an Adam's Apple! I told you!!"

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