Friday, March 15, 2013

Protecting your privacy; Not just a good idea, it's a suggestion

Hi folks. Clark here with the last installment of tips and tricks to protect your privacy.

#10  Tint your windows - Now obviously you'll want to comply with whatever legal limitations are in effect in your area but tinted windows - the tint-ier, the better - are a must. They accomplish two things: 1) They keep people from seeing what you're doing in your car and  2) They make people wonder what you're doing in your car (and the odds are that they're imagining something much sexier than what is actually taking place ie: booger picking).

#11 Change your passwords - You know how web sites offer to 'remember' your password for you so you don't have to think about it the next time you visit? You don't want that. What happens when those web sites get struck by lightning, become sentient and start raising havoc? Probably the first thing they'll do is say, "Hey, I've got Joe Blow's eBay password; let's go bid on Pez dispensers!" Besides, most sites 'forget' passwords after a while anyway. Might as well change up every so often rather than hoping you remember what it is when iTunes doesn't.

"Hey, uh, it looks like your bathing suit top came undone
 somehow there. Just thought you'd like to know."
#12 Good fences make good neighbors - As true today as it was in 1914 when John McCain coined the phrase.

Don't use "Clark" as you alias; it's been done and it isn't funny.
#13 Come up with an alias - Ever wonder why when you call the hotel where you're sure an international superstar like Jim Nabors is staying, the front desk claims he isn't there? Because he's there to relax and wants to keep people out of his private business; he's not going to check in under his real name so jamokes like you can call him up and ruin his stay. He has an alias, just like all the celebrities do. And you should too! Let your stalkers chase "you" around the country like a phantom, while "Mrs. Ruby Rippleknickers" is lounging poolside, enjoying rum drinks.

#14 Master the art of disguise - Sometimes it's not enough to simply come up with a new identity, sometimes it's necessary to actually alter your appearance. Are you known for being clean-shaven? Grow a mustache. Already got a mustache? Get rid of it (especially if you're a woman). Gain or lose significant amounts of weight. Change your hair color. Cross-dress. If you engage in these activities regularly, people will start to leave you alone even if they know who you are.

#15 Don't **** where you eat - Undoubtedly, at least some of you have an idea what the "****" stands for, and maybe you do. If so, you already know this is a common principle used to discourage someone from having a romantic relationship with a co-worker. That's solid advice; there's no quicker way to have all your dirty little secrets become common knowledge around the office than to date someone you work with. However, the reason I used the "****" instead of the crude epithet you were expecting is because the "****" can stand for lots of words that could be put there. Not only should you not **** where you eat, but you also shouldn't **** where you eat, nor should you **** where you eat and it should go without saying that you would never, ever want to **** where you eat. Not only are you putting your privacy at risk, that's also highly unsanitary (although, under certain circumstances, the concept is kinda hot). Keep those activities separated. Simply put: Eat in one place, **** elsewhere.
Well, there you have it. Some top tips from The Unbelievables on protecting your privacy. Learn them, memorize them, live by them!

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