Monday, January 18, 2016

Brunch, Interrupted

Interior, Unbelievabase. Morning. Jeff, Clark and Michael are in various states of post-breakfast undress - sweat pants, velour tracksuit tops, smoking jackets and pajamas ahoy. A big platter of scrambled eggs and bacon is on the table, semi-demolished. The Kona coffee maker has a few drops left in the bottom. The guys are in mourning. Last week, the world was robbed of two amazing people. One, David Bowie, a multi-talented musician, actor and mime artist. The other, veteran actor and all-round good guy Alan Rickman. Both friends of the Unbelievables and members of our global network of moles and informants. The guys are seriously hung over after a marathon weekend dedicated to drinking, watching Rickman and Bowie movies and videos, and listening to Bowie records. And drinking.

MICHAEL: So, whose turn is it today? I sure hope it's not mine, I don't think I can deal with it today. 

CLARK: Well, I can't say for sure, but I'm thinking Jeff has today. What are you planning on writing about, ol' British buddy o'mine?

JEFF: Who's up for brunch?

CLARK, MICHAEL (both desperate to do anything to take their minds off work): Wha...? Sure!

Later that morning, entering the local IHOP, the guys are accosted by a crowd of costume-wearing mascot types.

MASCOTS: Hey, Unbelieva-Fools! 

JEFF: Who are you guys?

MASCOTS: Allow us to introduce ourselves. We are...

Der Wienerdog...


Little Chef...

Scoop and Cookie, and we are...
The League Of Disgruntled Restaurant Mascots!

MICHAEL: The what?!

CLARK: The who?!

JEFF: No Clark, it's definitely not The Who. Roger Daltrey wouldn't be seen dead in a bee outfit.

CLARK: Okay, so what do you clowns want?

DER WIENERDOG: Clowns? Did you say CLOWNS!? NEVER call us the C-word. We hate them!

MICHAEL: Actually, you're not alone. 

JOLLIBEE: What my canine friend means is we hate one in particular. That.... McDonald guy.

JEFF: Ah, I see. You guys hate Ronald McDonald --

COOKIE: And the Burger King, and Jack In The Box - 

CLARK: But why?

DER WIENERDOG: Come with us and we'll explain the whole thing to you.

MICHAEL: If it's all the same to you, I've got a date with a spinach and mushroom omelette, hash browns, links, and a short stack. And all six syrups.

DER WIENERDOG: You don't really have a choice. (Jollibee puts Michael in a headlock, Scoop puts Jeff in a full nelson, and Little Chef shoves Clark and the rest of the guys into a minibus.)

CLARK: Where are we going?

DER WIENERDOG: To see the boss - the Big Boy!

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