Friday, August 21, 2015

Behind Bars

Michael's reluctance to use the word Xylophone in the Unbelievables' coded phonetic alphabet stems from childhood trauma. Firstly, there was the doorbell that his mother had installed when he was but a tot. She was so incredibly security-conscious that she insisted that in order to enter the house, everyone had to play the 'Tune Of The Day', and play it correctly, otherwise she would not let them in. 

This was the time she stranded her neighbor Joanie with her two kids outside for an hour trying to successfully play Stevie Wonder's "Living For The City". All Joanie wanted was to borrow a cup of sugar.

She had a whiteboard installed in the kitchen upon which she would write the title of the 'Tune Of The Day' so that little Mikey would trot downstairs for brekky and would read those day's instructions while eating his scrambled eggs. The range was wide and varied - anything from "Ode To Joy" to "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" and everything in between.

As if this was not bad enough, she then hired beady-eyed astronomer and xylophone whiz Sir Patrick Moore to babysit him when she went out with the local chapter of the Ladies' Drum'n'Bass League. Sir Patrick always brought his xylophone or vibes with him when he came over and played them incessantly, further traumatising poor Michael.

Even the sound of wooden or metallic bars being struck in any way similar to a xylophone sends Michael into a frenzy. Here is a couple of his least favourite tunes. 

We, naturally, don't give them house room.

Have a great weekend!

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