Friday, May 23, 2014

Weather or not!

"Is there really something sinister going on? (Frogs just don't fall out of the sky, you know.) Let's see what Clark comes up with ... "

The answer: Kinda.
As mentioned previously, I was outside buffing The (latest inCARnation of the) Unbelievamobile and having a heck of a time dealing with the swift and nasty changes in the environment. Frogs do indeed mess up a car's exterior in that they have some mass to them and not only do they scuff a high shine, but they actually put dents in the fenders. I staggered inside, a little woozy from being frog-smacked and said, "Hey guys?". Jeff and Michael replied simultaneously, "Yeah, we know. It's probably the Ex-Weathermen." I knew what needed to be done immediately and after I ate a sandwich and washed it down with a root beer, it was one of the things I did next. I asked if they wanted to help me and they asked, again in unison, "Does it involve going outside?" and I said of course. They replied, in perfect harmony, "Nah, we're going to stay inside and hope it's nice out again in time for the nude croquet tournament we're hosting together later tonight." The two of them being in such perfect sync was starting to get a little weird so I was happy to take this one on by myself.
I booked a charter flight to Tampa, Florida, where Roy Leep, formerly of Channel 13 WTVT and the leader of the nefarious Ex-Weathermen lives in his fortress-like weather obilisk.

See, what most people don't know is that back before we invented the internet the internet was invented, TV weathermen actully did create and control the weather. As they became obsolete, their TV stations started forcing those guys into retirement. Their bitterness and resentment as Ex-Weathermen is understandable when you know the background. Still, we simply can't have these tempermental outbursts.
I rang the tower's doorbell but there was no answer. I launched a grappling hook with a rope attached and used that to scale the outside of the tower, a task made that much more difficult by on-again, off-again hail showers. I got to the top and made my way inside, prepared to fight Leep and his cronies to the death if necessary. That's when I saw them, the whole group, running around and frantically fiddling with dials and meters. All the machinery, which was supposed to have been dormant since the early '90s was humming at full capacity. Leep saw me and yelled, "We can't figure out how to get this damn thing to record one program while we watch something else!" It seemed that they had been trying to program a DVR, got frustrated when it didn't work and had just started pushing every button they could get their fingers on. Leep was embarrassed. "Sorry about that. Obviously, modern technology hasn't been kind to me and my colleagues." I told him not to worry about it; technology is pretty pervasive and we all get over our heads sometimes. Then I helped them turn off all the weather machinery, figure out the DVR and then we all watched the first two episodes of "24" together, laughing at Jack Bauer. They thanked me as I got ready to go and asked if there was anything they could do to make it up. I looked at my watch and remembered Jeff and Michael's nude croquet tournament. I said, "Do you guys think you could do a really sudden freezing rain over Stiletto Flats in about an hour?". They gave me a thumbs-up and I left with a smile on my face.

No comments:

Post a Comment