Duel-ry

Michael and Clark have done a great job of outlining our adventures in dispute resolution, although right off the bat I feel I have to make a comment about Sock'Em (or Socker) Boppers, which of course were a ripoff of one of our ideas - Fistipuffs. Thinking about that time makes me so mad I want to don a pair and Bop the heck out of somebody. Which leads me to talk about an old fashioned method of settling an argument - the duel (and I'm not talking about trucks vs. cars driven by Dennis Weaver).

I'm talking about the kind that involves wigs and flintlocks.

The duel is an age-old, tried and tested, yet completely ineffective way of settling an argument. Winning a dispute based purely on how good of a sharpshooter you are, essentially, defies all logic. Doesn't make you a better person, and it doesn't make your point valid, or even correct. So we recommend less harmful ways of having a fight.

First, if you simply must have a duel, make it more skilful and less life-threatening.

Much better.

If the whole theatrical aspect of the duel is what appeals to you, blow off steam by putting on a production of The Mikado. By the time you've worked together on building sets, rehearsed, collaborated on makeup and costume etc., you'll have hopefully formed some sort of bond and will have forgotten all about your silly squabbles.

Or not.

If you are still sold on Socker Boppers, by all means have a bopping duel. Be aware, though, that bopping duels are more fun with tentacle arms.

Or, you could use the now-reinstated Lobster Rage Fist.

You could go for the instant satisfaction of dumping an ice-cold soft drink on the other person's head.

I have long been a fan of pillow fights. In fact, I encourage the Unbelieva-Babes to have lingerie pillow fights on a regular basis as a way of releasing stress. It's um, a team-building exercise. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Go for it, girls! I for one am lobbying the International Olympic Committee to have Lingerie Pillow Fighting recognized as a bona fide Olympic Sport.

If all else fails you could regress into a childlike state and write a soppy note in hopes that the cuteness factor will save the day.

Never fails.

If none of these ideas works for you, then I suggest hiding up at home with a big bowl of whipped potatoes. Especially on a Tuesday.

I'll be in my room till Wednesday.