Under-Ed-stimated

"You know" Clark commented "Ed is making a name for himself ... as our most inept foe to date." - Monday

Turns out I (we) might have sold Ed short. Granted, Michael was correct in stating that none of Ed Flurb's* threats against us ever came to fruition, but we're not the only people who ever get threatened. And while he has consistently failed to harm, impress, or even bother us, he has been making his presence known elsewhere.

He has at least one airplane. While that in itself is not a crime, a guy who on multiple occasions has threatened mayhem with the ability to take to the skies is a serious potential problem, as history has shown...

Not that he needs to fly to be a menace...

He broke into this house and stole this poor family's cupboards!! The note the fiend left behind said, "Please try to enjoy your cereals and canned goods stacked together on a table from now on! HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

The security team that somehow allowed him to get close enough to Janet Jackson to, um, offend, has been relieved of their duties.


And probably most disturbing of all...

He's gained access to the fertile young minds of our college students!

So, citizens, we can not afford to dismiss this man as a mere nuisance. Please keep your eyes open for anyone fitting this description, or even specific aspects of it, and if you see something, say something!

PERSON OF INTEREST: ED FLURB*

• Hockey helmet
• Glasses
• Mustache
• Spandex bodysuit
• Lack of or, at best, ill-suited undergarments
• Sack lunch

* We suspect that "Flurb" is not his real name, but rather an onomatopoetic alias based on the noises created when he puts on and takes off his bodysuit