Under-Ed-stimated

"You know" Clark commented "Ed is making a name for himself ... as our most inept foe to date." - Monday

Turns out I (we) might have sold Ed short. Granted, Michael was correct in stating that none of Ed Flurb's* threats against us ever came to fruition, but we're not the only people who ever get threatened. And while he has consistently failed to harm, impress, or even bother us, he has been making his presence known elsewhere.

He has at least one airplane. While that in itself is not a crime, a guy who on multiple occasions has threatened mayhem with the ability to take to the skies is a serious potential problem, as history has shown...

Not that he needs to fly to be a menace...

He broke into this house and stole this poor family's cupboards!! The note the fiend left behind said, "Please try to enjoy your cereals and canned goods stacked together on a table from now on! HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

The security team that somehow allowed him to get close enough to Janet Jackson to, um, offend, has been relieved of their duties.


And probably most disturbing of all...

He's gained access to the fertile young minds of our college students!

So, citizens, we can not afford to dismiss this man as a mere nuisance. Please keep your eyes open for anyone fitting this description, or even specific aspects of it, and if you see something, say something!

PERSON OF INTEREST: ED FLURB*

• Hockey helmet
• Glasses
• Mustache
• Spandex bodysuit
• Lack of or, at best, ill-suited undergarments
• Sack lunch

* We suspect that "Flurb" is not his real name, but rather an onomatopoetic alias based on the noises created when he puts on and takes off his bodysuit

Insult-Ed

For me, it wasn't so much how inept he appeared to be, it was how inept he most certainly was and yet was still able to get the ladies.

I mean, come on! He looks like he bought a giant condom, put it on and covered it with Magic Marker.

I voiced my opinion about this, loudly, to the guys when the above picture flopped onto our front doormat one day with an accompanying note:

Dear Unbelievables,

You guys think you're the only ones who know how to drive the ladies wild, huh? Well, let me tell you something - you're not!

Yours evilly, Ed Flurb, the evil guy

That one hit us where we live, you know?

Not only that, but the guy seems to have a following, for some obscure reason. So much so that he has inspired imitators who turn up at Comic-Cons dressed like him.

What is that all about!?

My opinion? Flurb is just a harmless nutter, albeit a mildly irritating one.

Clark will weigh in with his take on this fellow later. TTFN!

 

Ed Flurb, The Evil Guy

Someone we've never mentioned previously, Ed Flurb, is perhaps one of our dumbest foes ever. 

As a matter of fact, calling him a foe at all was a bit of a stretch. The guy was a genuine maroon.

But ... everyone has a dream, right? And few ever get the opportunity to get out there and live those dreams. Ed? Well, he got to gettin' and did his thing. So, in that respect, I guess we have to give Ed his due.

He first burst on the scene with - you guessed it - a letter (hand written even) that came to us out of the blue one day:

Unbelievables:

I'm The Evil Guy. And I just might turn out to be your worst super villain nightmare. So watch out!

Ed Flurb aka The Evil Guy

Yep. That was the extent of our introduction to him. Nothing more. We promptly forgot all about him.

Ed Flurb, The Evil Guy.

Evil ... personified.

Then, a few months later, we got another note from Ed:

Unbelievables: 

Remember McDonald's "Super Size" options on their meals some years back? It was all the rage and even got attention in that Morgan Spurlock film. Remember how "super sizing" was then vilified and eventually done away with by the chain? Well, I'm bringing it back. Me, The Evil Guy! Super sizing will be reintroduced to the doom of all mankind!

Ed Flurb (better known as The Evil Guy)

We pondered over this a while (it was a really a short amount of time we actually pondered) and decided to take a wait and see attitude about the affair. As it turned out, nothing ever came of it. Once more we promptly forgot all about Ed's threat.

Obviously taking a break from evil doing.

Another few months passed and another post came our way.

Unbelievables:

I'm planning on world domination in the form of slowing production values of the public at large. How am I going to do this? By randomly putting up orange safety cones on some of the busiest freeways ever, forcing bottlenecks and resulting in traffic jams and, thus, lost work hours. No one will be able to get anything done! With work stymied, the economy will collapse! Watch out!

Ed Flurb (You know me better as The Evil Guy)

We had a good chuckle at that one. And, of course, nothing was ever heard of on this particular issue.

We don't know. Don't ask.

"You know" Clark commented "Ed is making a name for himself ... as our most inept foe to date."

A few more months went by. Another letter.

Unbelievables:

You want trouble? I'm going to hand it to you on a silver platter. I'm teaming with Fidel Castro and Cuba and together we'll bring about "The Bay Of Pigs - The Sequel!" Start counting your days; they're numbered!

Villainous Ed Flurb, The Evil Guy

"Uhm ... doesn't he know Castro died a few years back?" Jeff queried.

But it didn't make any difference. Because we never heard word zero about Cuba or Casto or a resurrection of The Bay Of Pigs nor Ed's "alliance" again.

Again ... no clue.

Like I said: Ed did his thing. Giving credit wear credit is due, he did dream big. (So to speak.) But he never followed through on anything so far as we could tell. Or ... maybe he did and his plans simply died on implementation. We don't know.

But the dude was a never ending source of sniggers.

Jeff and Clark might have a few more words on Ed later in the week. Just, you know, don't expect much.


Note: We didn't hear from The Unbelievable Dance Crew over the weekend so there was nothing further to report on their behalf. When they get back to us, we'll get back to you. I know, I know ... you're waiting with bated breath to see what they come up with ...