Friday, May 27, 2016

Getting Dr. Hardick up and running

 "Needless to say, we immediately hit it off with Dr. Hardick."

Michael is right. On a personal level, which is what's most important when it comes to doctor-patient relationships, we were fast friends. But when it came to resources Dr. Hardick needed to set up his practice, he found the Unbelieva-base... wanting.

MICHAEL: Okay, doc. Here's your office. You're all set. See ya.
DR. HARDICK: Wait a minute. Where is everything?
JEFF: What do you mean? It's all there. Your desk, stocked with pens and notepads. A padded table for us to lay on while you look at our what-not's. There's even an eye chart on the wall.

DR. HARDICK: But what about actual medical supplies?
CLARK: Ohhh, I get it. He wants a nurse. I'm on it. I'll be right back.
MICHAEL: I don't think that's what he...
JEFF: Forget it. He's already in the car (distant sound of squealing tires)
DR. HARDICK: What am I supposed to treat you with when you're injured or sick?
MICHAEL: Injured?
JEFF: He means when we get shot and stuff.
DR. HARDICK: Yes, I'm assuming that's a risk that's fairly prevalent?
MICHAEL: Oh, constantly. We each get shot all the time.
DR. HARDICK: What? How often?
JEFF: Couple times a month, maybe? Sometimes more, sometimes less. It evens out.
MICHAEL: It's no big deal. We only ever get shot in the shoulder. It barely hurts anymore. When it happens, we look at is an opportunity to practice Our Three Gr's.

DR. HARDICK: 'Three Gr's'?
JEFF: Yeah, Grunt, Grumble and Grimace. It's a lot of fun, actually.
MICHAEL: There's nothing like delivering a threatening monologue while wounded and struggling to stand upright.
DR. HARDICK: And how do you treat these wounds??
MICHAEL: Oh, you know we just kind of patch each other up.
DR. HARDICK: 'Patch up'?
JEFF: Yeah, just kind of pat the bullet hole firmly a couple of times with your hand to stop the bleeding, put some tape on it and say something like 'Hang in there, buddy'.
MICHAEL: The bullets just sort of fall out later or we absorb them into our bloodstreams. Whatever.

DR. HARDICK: Dear lord! The fact that the three of you are alive is... unbelievable!
(JEFF and MICHAEL wink and exchange high fives) 

Shortly after that, I returned with Dr. Hardick's new nurse, Edith Softnwet

They immediately went shopping for bandages and creams and pills and stuff and we've all been fine ever since!

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