Friday, December 4, 2015

More and other bad ideas

When you're like us, you've got ideas firing off all the time. Morning, noon and night, it's just an endless stream of notions to help make people's lives better. The law of averages is that they can't all be great. Just know that every substandard invention we show you here is offset by about 40 awesome ones.

That said, let's take a look at some of these turkeys (not the good kind, that you eat with stuffing and stuff)...
THE IDEA: Actually see your favorite radio programs instead of just listening to them like some boob!
THE (failed) EXECUTION: I took the back off of an AM radio and strapped it on my Uncle Neil's head. He liked being able to see inside of a radio while listening, and I guess there's entertainment value in that. Certainly the experience would have been more enjoyable if radios had any moving parts. Like, any. At all.
PS: My Uncle Neil still has this prototype and it continues to be his preferred means of following his beloved Chicago Cubs, even after baseball season ends.
PPS: Nobody likes my Uncle Neil.

THE IDEA: Not what it looks like; the meter isn't measuring her yodeling. It's a standard household water meter that yodels when you use the bathtub, flush the toilet, run a faucet, etc.
THE (failed) EXECUTION: I had hoped that it would cut down on water waste but I overestimated people's hatred of yodeling. Turns out, some people actually enjoy it.

THE IDEA: Who has time to leave a bottle upright and pour the contents into glasses as needed when you can invert it and attach it to a device that uses the power of gravity to dispense sparkling beverages and needs to be cleaned thoroughly after every time you use it?
THE (failed) EXECUTION: Everybody, as it turns out.

THE IDEA: I know you're looking at the "truck nuts" but we would never come up with something that lame. No, this is about the license plate made of potted pork meat product, which was supposed to be a survival aid if you had no provisions and got lost in the woods or something.
THE (failed) EXECUTION: Illegible, delicious (dogs chasing you everywhere).

THE IDEA: The Original Sun Visor! 3-D! One Size Fits All! (Sorry, only available in Caucasian)
THE (failed) EXECUTION: Not enough people this stupid:

THE IDEA: Fend off would-be muggers by aggressively firing the contents of one's valise at them.
THE (failed) EXECUTION: Most would-be muggers took the name literally because they don't mind the relatively minor inconvenience of picking up the contents of one's valise off the sidewalk. 

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