Friday, March 27, 2015

Dance to the death

It turns out that Van Veen was using his influence and access around the BBC for nothing more than access to stealing dance costumes. But why? Because he was outfitting his own dance team/elite assassination squad, which he was calling the Van Veen Va Vooms.
(L to R) Griselda, Queenie, Madelyn and Punchetta
His plan: recruit four of the world's sexiest dancers and turn them into killers. When we got him to confess (which, as always, was pretty easy; would-be super-villains love to confess), he said, in that weird way of his, "The daaaahncers, so beautiful, yes? Lovely to look aaaat, deadly to deeeal with. As skilled in the art of the daaaahnce as the art of the kiiiill." To his credit, he had done a fantastic job of recruiting, The Van Veen Va Vooms were:

  • Madelyn - specializing in ballet and bladed weapons
  • Queenie - specializing in ballroom and toxins
  • Punchetta - specializing in jazz, tap and punching
  • Griselda - specializing in the art of seduction
We managed to thwart them before they ever carried out their very first attempt, the proposed assassination of Emperor B'll B'll of the island nation of Quapandwa, which would have thrown that whole region there into turmoil. It was a close call; B'll B'll was quite taken with Griselda...naturally.
But the puzzling aspect of the whole case was why Hermannus Jantinus "Herman" van Veen would go through so much trouble to establish a reputation for himself and get in such good graces with the BBC and the worldwide dance community only to resort to petty theft when it came time to outfit his troupe. 
Turns out he had bad credit.
The Va Vooms themselves were successfully rehabilitated and now work as activity directors at Tick-Tock Estates, an assisted living facility in Glendale, Arizona.

  • Madelyn - specializing in board games
  • Queenie - specializing in arts and crafts
  • Punchetta - specializing in bus trips
  • Griselda - specializing in the art of seduction

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