Tuesday, May 20, 2014

The Weather Report

What a strange day it's been here at the Unbelievabase. No actual crimes to deal with, just some really weird weather. First, there was that gorgeous sunrise. Then, about ten minutes later, a freak hailstorm. Then at around 7:30 a.m., two minutes of snow, a clap of thunder and then nothing but baking hot sunshine until about 12:15, when suddenly it rained for an hour straight, causing flash floods in Stiletto Flats. Then it was beautifully sunny for the rest of the afternoon, then we had a tornado, a rain shower and a plague of frogs in the space of 25 minutes.

"That?"  you may exclaim."That's nothing but climate change! Or the earth drifting out of orbit. Or the second coming of Jeebus. Or one of those, you know, magnetic thingies."

Maybe. But I suspect it may be the work of the X-Weathermen.

Who are the X-Weathermen, you cry?

I can't believe we haven't told you already.

The X-Weathermen are a group of has-been meteorologists who got too old, retired or were just plain fired in favour of today's new, young, hot, hip and let's face it sexy weatherpersons (let's be honest - it's mostly ladies (Hello, ladies!) these days) and they are out for revenge. (The X-Weathermen, that is - not the hot young sexy peeps).

Their leader, a man known only as Jack Scott, appears benign and kindly, doesn't he? But don't let that fool you. Underneath that genial exterior beats a heart of pure uranium. Or at least, it did - until he passed away a while back. But we Unbelievables have a strong suspicion that he faked his own passing and is still secretly at the controls, hidden away in a secret location somewhere in Surrey.

At his right hand is Trevor Baker, former Southern and TVS weather guy, whose failed chat show "Trevor Baker's All-Weather Show" (and no, I am NOT making this up) spelled the beginning of the end of Trevor's TV reign. So he's righteously peed off.

Then there are the other miscreants...

 John Kettley, a man whose TV career could not be saved, even after being made the subject of a hit single.

Ron Lobeck, ever vigilant, looking at some infernal device, no doubt.

The always dapper and dangerous Bill Giles.

Michael Fish and his fiendish sweaters.

The utterly psychotic Ian McCaskill (no relation to Schlomo McCaskill, the world's only Scottish-Jewish-American FBI agent).

And completing the lineup we have the innocent and sweet-looking Barbara Edwards. Trust me, the only reason butter wouldn't melt in her mouth is because she is a total ice queen. Believe me, I tried. No luck at all.

So rest assured the Unbelievables take the matter of weird weather very seriously indeed, because you never know... it could be the dark deeds of the X-Weathermen!

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