Wednesday, May 28, 2014

One ringy-dingy

Sometimes I conduct telephone training, just to keep the guys on their toes. Being able to think fast and deal with threats, be they merely a nuisance or something more sinister, is a valuable skill in our line of work.

"Hello, this is Michael."
"Hello. Is this Michael?"
"(Sigh) That's what I just--yes, this is Michael."
"Michael, do you like coffee?"
"Yes, I like coffee. Who is this?"
"This is the guy who pooped in your coffee!"
"All right, who the hell is this?!? Clark? Is this you? It better not be you."
"No, this isn't me. I mean, this isn't Clark."
"Well then who is it?!?"
"Uhhh... my name is Jeff."
"Jeff, huh?"
"Yes. Me name Jeff. Me Engrish. Me from Gleat Blitain. You no can tell?"
"Well, the highly offensive stereotype accent you're attempting sounds more Asian than British..."
"Ha ha! Me tlicky!"
"(Sigh again) Listen, whoever you aren't, I'm kind of busy..."
"You know good way to get back at me, me being Jeff? You should poop in my tea! Mine, being Jeff's!"
"Great. Brilliant idea. I'll get right on that."
"You will? Oh, me will be soooo angry!"
"Right. (hangs up)"

Then I got a call ...

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