Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The Sweet Smell of Kickin' Butt

Yes, what Clark said was all completely accurate, especially all that business with our intern Chuck, or as we called him "Charlie No-Mates". I mean gee whiz, the guy was such a wimp! And then as soon as he leaves our employ, he's all like, "Yeah, I'm a stuntman, I'm a martial arts expert, I'm an action hero, I'm starring in an infomercial for an exercise machine with a half-naked Christie Brinkley", like that's anything to brag about. She's damaged goods, Norris! Been spoiled by Billy Joel, and that traumatic helicopter crash did her mental state no favours either. You ripped off our Kickin' Jeans idea and went ahead and made some lousy movies, whatever. Oh, and you think you're some kind of singer too. The eyes of Texas are upon you, huh? Well, watch your back, buddy, because the eyes of The Unbelievables see everything.

He kinda smelled funny too. Not enough Hai Karate and too much Lily of The Valley, if you ask me.

Which leads me on to another aspect of our style cocktail, fragrance. It's all very well having the paisley shirt and the ascot and the belted cardigan, but if you choose the wrong aftershave you might as well hang up your slacks and stay home watching reruns of Green Acres and let that other guy with the funky kaftan and the handlebar moustache kick some bad guy butt and get all the chicks. 

When it comes to fragrances, all you need to know are these:

Hai Karate, of course. Girls dig it.
Brut 33, 
Old Spice, and

for the slightly more mature butt-kickin' super-agent, Skin Bracer by Mennen works a treat.
Once you have the fashions and the scents down pat and the Unbelieva-Fu sorted, the rest will take care of itself. But never, repeat never, try to learn U-Fu without first taking care of the other stuff. Heck, your manly scent may even improve your UF skills.

Well, that's all I have to say, really. I'm sure Michael can go into more detail about this topic. In the meantime, stay alert, folks. You never know when some evil-smelling super-criminal will cross your path. But rest assured that when they do, The Unbelievables will soon be on the trail.

No comments:

Post a Comment