Monday, December 31, 2012

Home is where the headquarters is

People who have looked at our web site all seem to have one question:
What's with the washing machines? Is that just some random image you selected for a background or what?
Okay, well, that's more like two and a half questions but the answer to all of them is that what you're looking at is actually a sneaky-peek inside our super-secret crime fighting headquarters, the Unbelieva-base!

Located in Stiletto Flats, Nevada, which is a small town in the desert outside of Las Vegas (which is the definition of every town in Nevada that isn't Las Vegas), we acquired this property on a tip from Marissa Rapier, proprietor of Miss Riss's Home for Wayward Showgirls. At this time, I can't tell you how we met Marissa other than to say we each knew her seperately before we formed The Unbelievables. Anyway, one day she called up and said, "Hey, I have a location where you boys can have your little clubhouse or whatever." I replied, "Uh, we're looking for a super-secret crime fighting headquarters. Hel-looo?" "Right. At this time, I'd like to re-state for the record the 'whatever' I issued previously and move on to a description of the property", she said. "What are you doing?", I asked. "This is not a court proceeding." She said, "That's for your benefit when you listen to this later, since I'm sure you're recording this, because you always record your phone calls, which is creepy." I told her, "phone calls are not the creepiest thing I record." She sighed and said "I'm trying to tell you about this property. It's a laundromat with a huge basement and for some unknown reason, a helipad. I heard Dean Martin used to own it. At any rate, long story short, there was debt incurred for services rendered on behalf of the previous owner so it's mine now and I thought it would be perfect for you guys. Even at a discounted rental rate, I'll be making more money than I am from the laundry service."

We checked it out and she was right, it was, and remains, perfect. It has enough machines that we were able to convert one into a passageway from the laundromat into the headquarters below. It kind of stinks to have to pay $1.75 every time we want to go downstairs but that's not a big deal as long as you have quarters on you.

Other than that, there's nothing to complain about. It's right across the street from Miss Riss's. It has the Pumpkin Orange and Lima Bean Green Formica color scheme that Jeff finds aesthetically pleasing. It's only about a block from the secluded compound that hosts Michael's clothing-optional-but-highly-discouraged Wednesday night raquetball league. And for me, it has a vintage "Elevator Action" video game (by the way, this post is brought to you by Elevator Action, the official 8-bit video game of The Unbelievables). But the real action can be found in the sub-basement, or "Leisure Level", of this magnificient facility:

My dad is always happy to keep tabs on what's going on at headquarters when we're out of town.
Yes, that's an in-floor hot tub. Yes, that is a fireplace. And yes to the next six questions you have after getting the answers to those last two.
If you ever find yourselves in Stiletto Flats, feel free to stop by for a visit! I mean, we won't be able to acknowledge you by saying hello or anything like that because that would compromise the security of the facility, but we can get a full load of your unmentionables sparkly clean in about an hour and a half.

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