Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Playboy and The Unbelievables: Part 2

Ah yes, the Playboy years. As much time as we spent with Hugh in the Grotto (the poor man was the target of a nearly constant stream of shakedown schemes and kidnapping plots), it was inevitable that we'd find ourselves in his little magazine.

Playboy Magazine: "The holidays must be a trying time for The Unbelievables. Between the partying, the lounging on bearskin rugs in front of fireplaces, the massaging of stewardesses and the never-ending fight against crime, you guys must get exhausted! How do you do it?"
Clark: "Well, sure. The holidays are about all that but you're really only scratching the surface. I mean, there are nurses, actresses, certain librarians, coffee shop waitresses and pro football cheerleaders who require massaging too. But what we've found to be helpful is forcing ourselves to take time to observe the spiritual aspects."
Playboy Magazine: "I have trouble visualizing you, Jeff and Michael sitting around on prayer mats."
Clark: "No, nothing like that. We have created our own spiritual doctrine, which is inclusive and tolerant of all religious faiths yet is independent of all of them. It's called Unbelieva-Zen."
Playboy Magazine: "Sounds fascinating! Tell us more!"
Clark: "It's really an inner thing. You know, the way you build a great looking self is the same way you build a great looking wardrobe; from the inside out. That's the fundamental philosophy of Unbelieva-zen. The only ritual, if you want to call it that, takes place the day after Christmas. That's when we don what we call our Zen-wear and then go outside and walk amongst the nature."

"I like mesh; it makes me feel like a bag of grapefruit! Jeff's tank top is actually an authentic San Diego Clippers jersey with the letters and numbers removed, a gift from Clippers center Swen Nater. As for Michael, he would probably say, 'You're lucky I'm wearing this'."
Playboy Magazine: "And where do you walk exactly?"
Clark: "I don't know. Around, mostly. We do tai chai exercises on top of a mountain. We eat stuff we find on the ground. Sometimes that makes us sleep in a meadow for a really long time. Sometimes that makes us fall down a mountain. Or we might wander out into a pond or get bitten by some kind of animal or something. The important thing is that we would learn something and use it to grow."
Playboy Magazine: "What kinds of things do you learn?"
Clark: "Mostly that it's best to stay inside unless you're wearing appropriate clothes."
Playboy Magazine: "Sounds like a solid lesson to grow from."
Clark: "That's why it's so important to learn it every year."  


  1. The 'inside out' attire doesn't surprise me one bit. Michael is often showing off his hirsute 'outsides'. Clark, the more modest of the bunch, and clearly the most matchy matchy. Jeff sports the 'wild side' for his 'wild parts,' obviously. Wowsers.
    How do we ladies manage to resist?

  2. Believe me, Marissa, that is a question we ask ourselves frequently.

  3. "Experience: The ultimate teacher"