Clown Duty

"The guys will detail some other characters we're keeping an eye on later this week" Clark noted Monday.

In the course of determination what possible bad turns other circus performers might succumb to, I drew the short straw in this reconnaissance mission.

Yep ... I got freakin' clown duty. 

Now, it's not secret: I hate clowns. They're creepy. No matter what they try to do no performance of theirs is jolly and entertaining. All that make-up? They're hiding something, believe me. And they smell. I mean they smell bad.

So it was with an impending dread I reluctantly accepted my fate and got down to the business of clown surveillance.

To do the necessary spy work on these paint by numbers freaks, all I have to say is I'm thankful for the miniature drones we have in our Unbelievable arsenal. I can keep tabs on them without getting up close and personal. A week's scrutiny of these buffoons and this is what I know:

Listening in on the conversations of these performers, they love the past, the history of their craft ... which is something to be wary of first and foremost. I mean ... take a look at some of their predecessors and tell me they don't harbor some hidden agenda:

No matter how you look at the situation, clowns aren't cute:

One clown? Frightening enough. Get three in front of you and, I don't care who you are, the hackles on the back of your neck raise to uncanny heights:

Trust me on this: No make-up in the world is going to hide facial hair and make a clown look anything but devious ...

At any time? Clowns' temperaments can go from happy to "Kill! Kill! Kill!" at the drop of one of their funny hats:

Now, granted ... I haven't garnered much intelligence on these Bozos. (I mean ... they're clowns. They're not all that intelligent to begin with.) But there's something about them, something underlying, just beneath the surface, that's ready to blossom at the hint of a catalyst. Clark was right when he said "nothing good comes from circus performers having too much time and too little earning potential on their hands."

And the diffusing of the Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey Circus just might be that catalyst.

Nothing viable has turned up. Yet. But rest assured we continue to monitor the situation. Because, if there is anything remotely resembling a revolt or some such, you can bet your bottom dollar clowns will be leading the way ...